Beyond love, beyond unrequited love, perhaps even beyond any other passion known to humanity, deep, deep in the depths of the turgid, clinging, swamplike pit of despair that lies dormant within every soul, lurks JEALOUSY. Jealousy, that most demeaning and debilitating of emotions. Jealousy, which can double the strength of the love upon which it is based, but whilst doubling it, warp and pervert it, untill it is no longer recognizable as the thing of beauty it once was. Jealous love is no more like true love than Mr Hyde was like Dr Jekyll or a stagnant swamp is like a freshwater lake.

Ben Elton


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A society sufficiently sophisticated to produce the internal combustion engine has not had the sophistication to develop cheap and efficient public transport?'
‘Yes, boss... it’s true. There’s hardly any buses, the trains are hopelessly underfunded, and hence the entire population is stuck in traffic

Ben Elton

Tags: traffic transport



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Books are the key. A book cannot be accessed from afar. You have to hold it, you have to read it.

Ben Elton

Tags: books



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New York will always seem more real than anything Britain has to offer. It is strange that, although the majority of British people have never seen a skate-boarding body-popper, an exploding fire-hydrant, or anybody dunk a doughnut, these things seem infinitely more immediate and happening images than that jar of Horlicks which has stood in the cupboard for 40 years

Ben Elton

Tags: britain horlicks



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People in that crowd want to make poverty history, but NOT if they have to pay for it themselves

Ben Elton

Tags: money poverty



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You're mugging old ladies every bit as much if you pinch their pension fund

Ben Elton

Tags: elderly mugging pension



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So far no one has claimed responsibility.

Ben Elton


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You think I look like a teletubby?

Ben Elton

Tags: louis-tomlinson



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Any closer would unravel her mystery, the very thing which made her so truly beautiful...It was her mystery that he adored. He was in love with everything that he did not know about her... No real sexual encounter could ever match the secret one that he could nurture in his imagination... No living flesh could ever be the erotic equal of flesh kept private, untouchable and unknowable

Ben Elton

Tags: mystery



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The reactionary point of view was always so easy to put, the complex, radical argument always so easy to put down.

Ben Elton

Tags: politics progressive reactionary



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