About two months after this photo was taken I was born and my mum died - clean swap. Caring about someone I never knew doesn't make sense, but that's how it is. This photo means a lot. There must be some invisible mother-daughter wiring that runs from her image in a straight line to my heart.

Bill Condon


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Kayla doesn't move. 'Where's Colin?'

Inky peers all around her, as if expecting to find him.

Then she shrugs.

'Oh dear.' Her face is full of lines that seem to dance when she smiles. 'Looks like I lost another one.'

'Where is he? Did you two have a fight?'

A loud scraping noise comes from outside. Kayla turns on the side light and we both look through the curtain. Colin's putting out the bins.

'Well how about that?' says Inky. 'I finally got one that's house trained.

Bill Condon


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I've always wondered about Stop-and-Go guys. Do you like it if drivers wave and say thanks as they go past? Or is it better if they ignore you? Most times when I'm out in the car with Bull, I give a wave and a "thanks". Usually the guy with the sign stares at me as if I've just escaped from an asylum. So what's the right thing to do?'

'I've never met anyone like you before, Tiffany.'

'Really?'

'No - never.'

'Then you just haven't been to enough asylums.

Bill Condon


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Sometimes words just don't get you there... don't let you say all the stuff from deep in your heart, stuff that no dictionary has a name for.

Bill Condon


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Reggie always wears the team jersey - and a pair of shorts - no matter how cold it gets.

I'm betting he dreams about one day being called on to make a comeback.

'We need five tries in the last three minutes. It's almost impossible, Reggie. That's why I'm asking you.'

'Piece of cake, Dusty. Here, mind me false teeth.'


Dusty's been with the Gunners as long as I can remember. He's an institution - or he should be in one - it's one of the two.

Bill Condon


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Bull spots us and gives his two-thumbs salute, trotting backwards. Imm-pressive! All those years of practice are starting to pay off - his footy is still woeful but he's got the reverse trot down to a fine art.

Bill Condon


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Not bad, not bad. That's one down. Only a million to go.'

'Right. Thanks, Shark.'

I should have known to expect something like that from him.

'Now that you've proven yourself I reckon you've earned a go at a very important assignment.'

'Making tea?'

'No, I said important. You want to have a crack at it?'

'All right. That'd be good.'

'That's the way. Run down the post office and get the mail for us. Key's hanging up in the front office. When you come back, I want you to open it up and sort it into three piles: good stuff, bad stuff, and shit. Off you go.'

You bastard, Shark. You bastard. I say that to myself as I trudge away.

Bill Condon


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The thing I've noticed about life-' Zoe pauses to drain the last of her coffee and lick the foam off her lips, 'is that it just keeps coming at you. And it can be a real bummer. What you need to remember, Tiff, is that you're not alone. You've got friends and family. That's how we get by. We talk and share and eat cake and giggle in the dark, even when we're scared - no, especially when we're scared.'

Wow. Reggie would be impressed. She's as good as Dr Phil. And not bald.

Bill Condon


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It's not a bit strange,' I tell her. 'Davey's thinking of taking up shooting as a hobby, so he wants to go check out the rifle range and he asked me if I'd like to go with him.'

Kayla snorts. 'Are you kidding me? He should be checking you out - not the rifle range! No way is that a date.'

I go to the one person I know I can depend on.

'It is a date, isn't it, Reggie?'

'S'pose it all depends on how it goes,' he says. 'If you have a good time, come home happy, then it's a date.'

'Okay.'

'But if he shoots yer, it wasn't a date - it was an ambush.'

'Reggie! That's mean!'

'You know I'm only kiddin', Tiffy. He puts his arms out and I gladly fall into them. 'Don't worry about what anyone says, luv. It's a date.

Bill Condon


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I smile at the phone, wishing Reggie could see me.
'You're alright then, luv? No dramas?'
'Not a one.' I reach the kitchen. 'Thanks for thinking about me.'
'Gotta look after my girl. Only one I got.'
My smile gets even bigger.

Bill Condon


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