Why waste time learning when ignorance is instantaneous.
---Hobbes
Tags: calvin-hobbes
The problem about the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
Bill WattersonTags: future-present
Sleepwalking?"
"Nightmare?"
"Homicidal psycho jungle cat!
Hee hee hee! You should've seen the look on your face!"
"If mom and dad cared about me at all, they'd buy me some infra-red nighttime vision goggles.
How come we play war and not peace?"
"Too few role models.
The center snaps the ball to the quarterback!"
"No he doesn't!"
"He doesn't?"
"NO! Secretly, he's the quarterback for the other team! He keeps the ball!"
"A traitor!"
"Calvin breaks for the goal."
"Wheeee! He's at the 30... the 20... the 10! Nobody can catch him!"
"Nobody wants to! Your running toward your own goal!"
"Huh?!"
"When I learned that you were a spy, I switched goals. This is your goal and mine's hidden!"
"Hidden?!"
"You'll never find it in a million years!"
"I don't need to find it as a traitor to your team, crossing my goal counts as crossing your goal!"
"Ah, so you might think so..."
"In fact, I know so!"
"But the place I hid my goal is right on top of your goal, so the points will go to me!"
"But the fact is, I'm really a double agent! I'm on your team after all, which means you'll lose points if I cross your goal! Ha ha!"
"But I'm a traitor too, so I'm really on your team! I want you to cross my goal! The points will go to your team, which is really my team!"
"That would be true... if I were a football player!"
"You mean...?"
"I'm actually a badminton player disguised as a double-agent football player!!"
"And I'm actually a volleyball-croquet-polo player!"
"Sooner or later, all our games turn into CalvinBall."
"No cheating!
Tags: humor-sports
If you can't win by reason, go for volume.
Bill WattersonTags: humor reason arguments loudness
That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.
Bill WattersonTags: humor perseverance
Hey Dad, will you buy me a flame thrower?
Of course not. Don't be silly.
Even if I didn't use it in the house?
Tags: calvin
Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.
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