You two are making me feel like I need to wear a condom over my head so I can't get pregnant from just listening to the both of you.
Christine ZolendzI know I’m drunk as hell, Grace, but, just stay with me. I need you like I fucking need to breathe.
Christine ZolendzI was never one to care about how I looked on the outside. That wasn't the real me anyway. Not that I didn't appreciate the way I looked now, I just didn't feel it mattered, because how you look doesn't change what’s in your soul.
Christine ZolendzTags: so-true appearance
Look, Gray…a decent guy doesn’t just get born and grow up to be Mr. Perfect. They need to be created by a woman. They’re like a dumb blank lump of clay and you have to mold them into what you want them to be, while erasing everything their mothers ever taught them and all the horrible internet porn they’ve watched growing up.”I laughed.“I am so serious. Do not laugh. Do you realize that men actually think that porn is real? Like a girl is going to scream and thrash around like that for thirty minutes and all you have to do is be the pizza guy! The pizza guy, Grace…and they don’t ever eat the pizza first! And let’s not even talk about the fact that NO real girls look THAT good! It’s like they all come from the planet Nocellulite-us.
Christine ZolendzThere are only two four letter words that are offense to men. The words don’t and stop. Well, unless they are used together.
Christine ZolendzThere are five levels of the douche hierarchy: douche, douche bag, douche canoe, douche nozzle and right at the top, the king of it all, when the douche is displaying phenomenal amounts of doucheness, is a douche rocket. It’s when someone is such a douche, like the KING of douches, they can no longer be described as a douche nozzle, they are ALL the levels of douchery put together, and douche rocked is used.
Christine ZolendzIt took all my restraint not to fall to my knees in front of her and beg her to love me.
Christine ZolendzPut a damn shirt on and cover up your eighteen pack or whatever you got going on under that skin, you are making me drool.”
“Lea, stop saying crap like that to me and stop gawking, awkward.”
Lea smiled down at me, “You, sir are a bit easy on the eye, so therefore I shall stare at you. If you feel at all uncomfortable, I could always knock you over the head with something until you’re unconscious and take pictures.
Holy Discovery Channel Sex, Conner, we are going to get caught in a porn storm between these two. Conner you better be coming with us too, because if I have to watch them making googley-steamy-nasty-dirty-sex-eyes at each other, there won’t be a vibrator in the world big enough to satisfy me.
Christine ZolendzDear God, now I need a change of panties. Mine are soaking wet,” she whispered.
No thoughts in brain.
Me want girl.
I was seriously having trouble breathing normally.
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