[in regards to the "Asian guy"] He was so cute - in that Final Fantasy Thirty-Seven way. What I'm saying is, the Sex Fu is strong with this one.
--The Chronicles of Abby Normal

Christopher Moore

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Then someone started pounding on the door. And not a little "Hey, what's up?" pound. Like there was a big sale on door pounds down at the Pound Outlet. Buy one, get one free at Pounds-n-Stuff.
--Being the Journal of Abby Normal

Christopher Moore

Tags: christopher-moore bite-me

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Kayso, Foo finally came home and I jumped into his arms and sort of rode him to the ground with a massive tongue kiss so deep that I could taste the burned cinnamon toast of his soul, but then I slapped him, so he didn't think I was a slut. (Shut up, he had wood.)
--Being the Journal of Abby Normal

Christopher Moore

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Pervy and redundant, don't you think?" I asked the big gay cop, who wouldn't know a va-jay-jay if it bounced up to him and sang the "Star-Spangled Banner." (You ever notice that hardly anything besides the "Star-Spangled Banner" is spangled? There's no, like, the Raisin-Spangled Scone, or the Flea-Spangled Beagle. I'm just saying.)
--Being the Journal of Abby Normal

Christopher Moore

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All killer whales are named Kevin. You knew that, right?

Christopher Moore

Tags: humor science

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Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.

Christopher Moore

Tags: humor

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We know there's going to be nothing but pain, but we go back again and again.

Christopher Moore

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You were supposed to empathize with your friend's problem, but they were, after all, your friend's problems...

Christopher Moore

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Life is messy. Would that every puzzle piece fell into place, every word was kind, every accident happy, but such is not the case. Life is messy

Christopher Moore

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[...]I am a romance slut, and there's nothing I can do about it. If a guy does or says something romantic, I'm all "Oh, please excuse me, kind sir, let me dial down my IQ and oh, if it would please sir, may I offer you this moist, yet helpless va-jay-jay that seems to have lost its way."
-The Chronicles of Abby Normal

Christopher Moore

Tags: christopher-moore bite-me

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