There is no off position on the genius

David Letterman

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BP has put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders.

David Letterman

Tags: bp-oil-spill

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America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

David Letterman

Tags: americans

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There is no off position on the genius switch.

David Letterman

Tags: catchphrase

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A high-level government agent was arrested today for selling secrets to Russia. They now have all of the exact locations of our back-to-school headquarters.

David Letterman

Tags: humor russia cold-war

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I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

David Letterman

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