A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.

Demetri Martin

Tags: humor



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There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?

Demetri Martin


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Words have power,
you dumb piece of shit.

Demetri Martin

Tags: words-have-power



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The lord works in mysterious ways.
Indeed.
And a shorter way to say that is:
God is a sneak

Demetri Martin

Tags: humor religion



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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.

Demetri Martin

Tags: humor wit



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I was an "Omnivore." Like a lot of people, I didn't know any better. Then I read a couple of books. One of them was called How Chickens Are Raped Before You Eat Them. Another was called Hotdogs and Fingertips. I also read The Cow Feces Dilemma as well as Barf, STDs and Veal.

Demetri Martin


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