Dad staggered in, eyes eerily lit.
The corners of his mouth foaming spit.
His demons planned an overnight stay.
Mom motioned to take the girls away.
hide them in their rooms, safe in their beds.
We closed the doors, covered our heads,
as if the blankets could mute the sounds of his blows
or we could silence her screams behind out pillows.
I hugged the littlest ones close to my chest,
till the beat of my heart lulled them to rest.
Only then did I let myself cry.
Only then did I let myself wonder why
Mom didn't fight back, didn't defend,
didn't confess to family or friend.
Had Dad's demons claimed her soul?
Or was this, as well, a woman's role?
Communication
Was never big in my house.
We sat together over
dinner, but the only sound
you'd hear was crunching
and chewing and the little
ones asking for more, please.
We lived, all boxed up in
invisible containers. We
hardly knew the people
we called sister or father.
Jackie and I were the
exceptions to that rule.
Later, Bishop Crandall dropped by
The house to give me a stern
reprimand. He sat across
the cluttered table,
playing with a paper clip.
'Your parents are worries about you, Pattyn.'
I was worried about myself.
But I wasn't about to let him
know it. "Really?"
'Really. What have you got to say for yourself? You've always been such a good girl.'
Good girl. Sit. Stay. Fetch.
Bristles rose up along my
spine. "Define good."
'I don't appreciate your attitude,
Pattyn. Fast and pray. Search your
soul for the inequities in your life.'
"Any inequity in my life
began when I was born
female. Can you fix that?"
'You'll have to fix that yourself,
by concentrating on the things
God expects of you.'
His two-faced rhetoric
was pissing me off. "You
mean like kissing your ass?"
He slammed his hand on the table.
'I will not listen to that sort
of language. Apologize!'
Behind me, I hear Mom
gasp. But I was on a roll.
"I'm sorry, Bishop
I'm sorry I ever believed
you might have something
worthwhile to say.
Fact, in overt disguise, is often
all
people need to embrace
lies invented as distraction.
Frustration, too evident in the cement clench of his jaw.
Distance, the ethereal detached from the flesh and bone.
Impatience, in the soft thrum of his heel as we sit in silence.
Never say never, dear.
You might be surprised at what you can do, should circumstances dictate
Tags: tricks
I'm okay. Except..." God! "I totally want you.
Ellen HopkinsOur kiss eclipses all others, real, imagine, dreamed of. It is the beginning of time, it is the end of the ages.
Ellen HopkinsTags: kiss
And how can it be he's so in love with me? To grow up without love, and still have so much inside?
Ellen HopkinsTags: love
It is hard to believe that something that seems so permanent was once so different. Change. I guess that really is one thing you can count on...
Ellen HopkinsTags: change
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