Come on, tick tock – Chuck, Fuck or Marry: Arthur, Lance, Brad Pitt."
"Chuck Arthur, Fuck Brad, Marry Lance," she said, without hesitating.
It's a stage name," said Arthur, impatiently. "Like Madonna."
"No, Madonna's actual name is Madonna," pointed out Merlin.
"Oh my God, stop flaunting your Big Gay Knowledge Of Pop,
You – you don't really want to hear me
talking about my love life, do you?"
"'No' seems such a flimsy and inadequate little word to express how very little interest I have in
hearing you rambling on about that particular topic," said the dragon. "Your mating rituals are
roughly as fascinating to me as the eating habits of snails."
"Right," said Merlin. "Fair enough.
Its like Mrs Fitzherbert all over again, or that bloody Simpson woman! I do not believe it!"
"Sorry," said Merlin, wondering who the blazes Mrs Fitzherbert and that bloody Simpson woman
were. He had a feeling Gaius didn't mean Marge.
Oh, shit," said Arthur, covering his face with his hands for a moment and screwing his eyes shut."You've been co-opted.She's got you spying on me already? My God,she's quick.""Oh, shut up and get over yourself!"exclaimed Merlin, indignantly."Not everything's about you,you know, your Royal Hotness. Highness. I said Highness.
FayJayTags: funny the-student-prince
The who with the what now?"The dragon cocked its head to one side and gave this utterance careful consideration. "I'm afraid that I don't quite follow you, young warlock," it admitted, sounding rather testy."Your young
language does change so swiftly."
"Sorry! I just meant – I meant: 'bloody hell'!
His libido,distressingly,didn't seem at all worried about little things like Arthur being an arrogant dick.(Or, to be perfectly,horrifyingly honest,which he had no intention of being, ever, his libido might just possibly rather like Arthur being an arrogant dick. And Merlin might just possibly have had some rather vivid fantasies about Arthur demanding, in that lazily imperious tone, that Merlin get down on his knees and swallow the royal cock. Just possibly.)
FayJayMerlin smiled. "Thank you, sir! It was just Game Theory."
"It was just – is this a Maths thing?"
"Well, Maths and Philosophy, and..."
"Stop! Stop right there – I really have no wish to hear you expound upon either Mathematics or
Philosophy, Merlin. Just take the compliment
Arthur shook his head. "You'd be an appalling mother, Morgana. You're a terrible example, you know," he said, handing her the bottle. "God help any actual children you do find yourself having."
"They'd be adorable," she said, sticking her chin out. "I would make fabulous babies. They'd be born swearing and clutching packets of Benson and Hedges, bless their hypothetical little hearts, and railing against the patriarchy, and they'd very quickly rule the world.
Tags: motherhood
Look, it's all right for you. You don't have to walk along pulling the damned bin while you're
wearing a bloody great dress that keeps tripping you up."Arthur made an impatient noise. "Have you seen my outfit? The only difference between what we're wearing is that yours shows more cleavage and mine comes with a beard.""It does not show cleavage!" Merlin exclaimed, temporarily distracted. He squinted down at his chest. "I haven't got any cleavage for it to show!
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