Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.
George CarlinTags: religion tolerance freedom-of-religion evangelism
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.
George CarlinThe main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
George CarlinTags: sex christmas santa-claus santa bad-girls
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
George CarlinTags: humor christianity religion
Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
George CarlinTags: politics republicans
In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
George CarlinTags: humor america president qualifications
I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
George CarlinTags: marriage
Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss.
[WHAM! CRUNCH!]
"Look, they nearly missed!"
"Yes, but not quite.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
George CarlinI think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
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