Maybe I should off myself right now and come join you."
Cordy frowned. "Why?"
"Well," said Lex, "it's no picnic over here in the land of the living. The whole town hates me, Mom and Dad probably despise me, there's an angry, murderous bitch tearing up the country, I've got your death to avenge and no one's offering ME any hard candy.
And as much as I'd love to continue exploring the existential implications of Damning roadkill, the truth is" - he plunged his hands into his hair until it stuck up even more than usual - "you've been back here in my presence for two agonising hours now, and if we don't properly make out soon, I'm going to hurl myself off the roof."
Lex blinked.
Then Driggs smushed his lips to hers so quickly that she had to grab the gutter to keep from falling.
Ferbus stared in wonder. "He's like a bag of microwave popcorn."
Driggs finally spoke, his voice equally amazed. "But popcorn tends to stop popping after a couple of minutes. He's...still going.
What about me? I'll be okay in here. The Afterlife may be second-best cheesecake, but it's still cheesecake.
Gina DamicoAfter a minute or so, Lex pushed him away. "Stop."
"Why?" He looked horrified. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing-"
"Was it that thing I did with my tongue?"
"Um, no. Your tongue and its many talents are perfect. Keep up the good work." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a crumpled-up scrap of paper.
They had completely failed to notice Norwood and Heloise storming out of the house, Uncle Mort scaling the ladder, and the fact he was now staring at them and had been for several minutes.
"Good grief," he said. "As if I didn't have enough to worry about."
Lex and Driggs jumped apart and wiped spittle from their mouths. "What's up?" Driggs said in a terrible attempt at nonchalance.
"Hormone levels obviously.
Um, sweetums?" Driggs piped up.
Lex blew a sweaty clump of hair off her forehead. "What did you just call me?"
He sank further under her glower. "I just - ow !
So here's the deal: You will sleep in separate bedrooms. You will leave your doors open at all times. You will keep the public displays of affection to a minimum. You will attempt to dismantle any of my surveillance equipment, which, I remind you, covers nearly every room of this house. And if I hear any article of clothing being unzipped, unstrapped, unhooked, or unbuckled, you will lose the body part that it corresponds to. Understand?"
Lex and Driggs looked at each other, then nodded, defeated.
At least yours talks," Elysia said, irritably shoving a fry into her mouth. "Mine just stares. Like a cow.
Gina DamicoWhat about a warning system?" Heloise said.
"The entire encounter lasted less than five seconds, Hel. I doubt that even with your admirable ability to sprint in heels, you would have been able to get there in time.
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