I came to the table, pulled up a chair, and sat.

“Everyone brought a pet. I feel left out.”

An enthusiastic howl broke the silence, and Grendel bounded through the doorway. He galloped through the steak house, skidded on the floor, smashed into my chair, and dropped a dead rat on my lap.

Awesome.

Ilona Andrews

Tags: humor



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Does Curran not involve you in his strategic sessions?” Ghastek asked.

“Nope, I’m just here to look pretty.

Ilona Andrews

Tags: humor



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First, it’s used.”

“Now look here,” Teddy Jo growled. “It’s not a Cadillac. It’s a body freezer. The value doesn’t drop because you drive it off the lot.”

“I don’t know what sort of bodies you stuck in there, Teddy. You might have put a leucrocuta in there. Those things stink.”

“It’s not like the dead gonna care. They can’t smell shit, and they themselves ain’t gonna get to smelling any better.

Ilona Andrews

Tags: humor



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What’s Julie’s number?”

Curran glanced at me.

“Julie’s fluctuating between thirty-two and thirty-four units. Her shift coefficient is six point five and she’s been at it for sixteen hours.”

Dear God, I’d need a damn calculator.

Ilona Andrews

Tags: humor



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Your master plan has holes big enough to drive a truck through.

Ilona Andrews

Tags: humor



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Did the Order return your sense of humor as part of the severance package?

Ilona Andrews

Tags: humor



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I wondered if kicking him in the head would make the whole explanation pop out of his mouth in one chunk.

Ilona Andrews

Tags: humor



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At the core, our motives are always self-serving, Kate. Altruism is a fog created by sly minds seeking to benefit from the energy and skill of others. Nothing more.

Ilona Andrews


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If a man takes you to a restaurant of his choosing, don’t compliment him. Rave about the quality of the food and he’ll be thrilled, because he took you there.

Ilona Andrews


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I’d give him a cup of coffee and a big helping of a knuckle sandwich. Generosity was a virtue and I was in the mood to be extremely virtuous.

Ilona Andrews

Tags: kate



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