Some poeple just don't have what it takes to appreciate a cookie.

James Patterson


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Fang, fang. I love you. I looooove you. I love you thiiiiiiiiiis much!

James Patterson

Tags: maximum-ride



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His face flushed, and I felt like cheering. "Yes," he said stiffly. "Besides de vings."

"Hmm. Besides de vings." Nudge tapped one finger against her chin. "Um..." Her face brightened. "I once ate nine Snickers bars in one sitting. Without barfing. That was a record!"

"Hardly a special talent," ter Borcht said witheringly.

Nudge was offended. "Yeah? Let's see YOU do it." ...

... "I vill now eat nine Snickers bars," Gazzy said in a perfect, creepy imitation of ter Borcht's voice, "visout bahfing."

James Patterson


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Keep this in mind: there are no coincidences.

James Patterson


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I looked into her eyes. "Mom, who do you pray to?"

I just pray, Daniel. That's all.

James Patterson


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I stood there watching Phoebe arrange the pillows and the sheets. She isn't thinking that I... I mean, she doesn't think that she and I would... WHAT?

James Patterson


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Yes," I said. "My name is seven-five-nine-nine-three-nine-ex-dash-one. Junior.

James Patterson

Tags: humor



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Well, it's like I have a GPS inside me," I told them. "One of the talking ones. I tell it where I want to go, and it tells me, Go twenty miles, turn left, take Exit Ninety-fourm and so one. It can be pretty bossy, frankly.
Their eyes widened. "Really?" said one.
No you idiot," I said in disgust. "I don't know how it works. I just know it has an unfailing ability to point me in the opposite direction of a bunch of boneheads.

James Patterson

Tags: humor



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I muttered a swear word to myself. After I heard Angel cussing like a sailor when she stubbed her toe, my new resolution was to watch my language. All I needed was a six-year-old mutant with a potty mouth

James Patterson


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Men suck, even imaginary ones

James Patterson

Tags: men



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