Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people; they're just acquaintances.
Jay LenoThe Environmental Protection Agency is conducting a seven-hundred-thousand-dollar study to see if Alaskan trees are polluting Oregon forests. You can tell Republicans are in power. "Pollution? It's those damn trees.
Jay LenoThe reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
Jay LenoThey were going crazy in Kansas. People were up to 9 p.m. I think that was the greatest thing to happen to Kansas since the eradication of the boll weevil.
Jay LenoPolitics is just show business for ugly people.
Jay LenoLeno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn down the studio for the insurance money." Jan. 21, 2010
Jay LenoNew Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.
Jay LenoDon't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's third wife Day.
Jay LenoTags: humor
Forty million Americans smoked marijuana; the only ones who didn’t like it were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas and Bill Clinton.
Jay LenoGive a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.
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