No soup for you
Jerry SeinfeldFestivus for the Restivus!
Jerry SeinfeldThe IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
Jerry SeinfeldTags: humor government mafia irs
The basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we’re doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They’re very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
Jerry SeinfeldYou see, that's the true spirit of Christmas: people being helped by people other than me.
Jerry SeinfeldI don't understand women at all.
Like how a women can pour boiling hot wax onto their upper thigh, then rip the hair out by the root... and still be afraid of a spider.
Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.
Jerry SeinfeldI'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings
Jerry SeinfeldTags: humor
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