You know, I've kinda been freaking out over being a father, but then I read in a men's magazine somewhere that as long as you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, that you've done a good job.
Jillian DoddStaying mad is easy. Forgiving someone takes guts.
Jillian DoddBecause I grew up around Danny and Phillip, I discovered the truth about the male language very early in life. What I learned is there are three basic responses that most guys will use when shouldered with the major task of having to answer the question, How do I look? by the fairer sex.
Although I have never confirmed it, I am convinced that boys are taken aside in school, probably in fifth grade when the girls watch the film about getting their periods, and are taught the following three responses:
You look like shit. (Translation: You look bad. Just go back to bed and start over tomorrow. I really shouldn't be seen with you like this.)
You look fine. (Translation: You look good enough to be seen with.)
You look hot. (Translation: I want you.)
They also must teach them there is only one acceptable variation to these responses and to use it sparingly. The variation is simple. They just throw a REALLY into the sentence. The following are examples I have witnessed:
JJ, you REALLY look like shit. (Translation: You must be very hung over, or sick, or having an extremely bad hair day. I really don't want to be seen with you.)
REALLY, JJ, your hair looks fine. (Translation: Your hair looks the same to me as it always does, even though you spent an hour fixing it, so stop messing with it and lets go because you look good enough to be seen with.) And…
(Insert cheerleader's name here) looks REALLY Hot. (Translation: I REALLY want her.)
You won't need a jacket, Jay," Danny says, taking my hand. "I'm pretty sure I can keep you warm." God, am i swooning?
Jillian DoddYou smell salty," he says. "Like the ocean." He leans closer to me and licks up the side of my face. "You taste salty too. Maybe I should grab a bottle of tequila and we should have some fun." He moves his eyebrows up and down. "What do you say? We'll do some shots and I'll lick you all over.
Jillian DoddTags: lust hot sexy sexy-humor boy-crushing-on-girl crush-keatyn lou-laa
I swear to God, I think my panties just melted off my body. How can Crush just talking sex make me hot?
Jillian DoddTags: sex hot-bothered thoughts-to-self
I glance down, and my eyes get big.
"What?" He glances down, realizes why my eyes are big, and shrugs his shoulders. "It's morning."
"It's cute. Can I keep it?
Tags: humorous lol-cute rolling-with-laughter
My phone buzzes again.
Crush: You're single. I'm single. Let's mingle.
Tags: crushing-on crush-and-keatyn oh-so-cute
Electrical shivers shoot up my leg.
And my knee is such a slut!
She likes it! She's that friend you have. The one who you tell you're on a diet and the next day shows up with cupcakes and says, Aww, just one won't hurt.
I feel like Harry Potter just put liquid luck in my butterbeer before Quidditch practice.
Jillian DoddTags: lol-funny-cute
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