Some days seem like the end of your life but then they aren't and you still have to figure out how to wake up again.
Jillian LaurenWe all like to believe that we'd be brave. We'd be the hero in the movie, the one who sacrifices himself to save others, the one who does the right thing when the world around him is wrong. In the movie the right choice is clear. And we leave the theater feeling good about ourselves because we can say, Me, I'd do the right thing. No one says, Me, I'd be the coward. Me, I'd rat out my neighbor to save myself. But that's what people do, mostly
Jillian LaurenThe hitting was easy compared to the words. The hitting happened only infrequently but the words happened every day. I knew he was wrong, knew he was inexcusable. But still, the words were the worst part.
Jillian LaurenI was sure that if I could just scale this fortress I would reach a height with a sunny blue sky and fresh air. I would stand there and experience myself as redeemable rather than ruined. I had no idea what kind of animal I was facing.
If you had suggested to me at the time that my problems were due to some faulty wiring, some chemistry experiment gone wrong in my brain, I'd have said you were suggesting that I not take responsibility for my own choices. Now I know I was wrong. Now when I'm haunted by the specter of depression, I recognize it for what it is. I don't systematically dismantle my life every time depression pops out from behind a tree. But at that time, I was sure it was fixable if the world would just change faster, or if I would.
Tags: depression
You have to be careful how you fake it, though, because things like that can stick and before you know it you become what you're pretending to be..
Jillian LaurenDancing was another one of those choice I made that I didn't know until way later what it really meant.
Jillian LaurenAnd even if it wasn't Madison, it had been hundreds of others and probably hundreds more. That's what happens to your eyes when you spend your nights in the laps of everyone else's husbands.
Jillian LaurenI'm too proud to admit that I was forgotten, even to the guy who did the forgetting.
Jillian LaurenRegret perches like an umbrella over all of my days.
Jillian LaurenTags: pretty
I pretend I'm fighting to live in the present but really I'm having an affair with the past every secret moment.
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