Classroom Activities
1. Using felt and yarn, make a hand puppet of Clarence Thomas. Ta-da! You're Antonin Scalia!
Tags: humor 2004 scotus antonin-scalia clarence-thomas
What would Jesus, or any human being who isn't an asshole, do?
Jon Stewart1. Society needs laws. While anarchy can often turn a humdrum weekend into something unforgettable, eventually the mob must be kept from stealing the conch and killing Piggy. And while it would be nice if that "something" was simple human decency, anybody who has witnessed the "50% Off Wedding Dress Sale" at Filene's Basement knows we need a backup plan—preferably in writing. On the other hand, too many laws can result in outright tyranny, particularly if one of those laws is "Kneel before Zod." Somewhere between these two extremes lies the legislative sweet-spot that produces just the right amount of laws for a well-adjusted society—more than zero, less than fascism.
Jon StewartTags: anarchy fascism congress 2004 legislature
Often, no sooner would the mind begin to scale the heights of Mt. Knowledge than it would receive a frantic call from body base camp, demanding it return to oversee "Operation Masturbate.
Jon StewartTags: humanity masturbation
Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.
Jon Stewart[Stump speeches] are to oratory what a stump is to a tree.
Jon StewartTags: humor politics elections
It is perhaps a sign of the strength of our republic that so few people feel the need to participate. That must be the reason.
Jon StewartAs heirs to a legacy more than two centuries old, it is understandable why present-day Americans would take their own democracy for granted. A president freely chosen from a wide-open field of two men every four years; a Congress with a 99% incumbency rate; a Supreme Court comprised of nine politically appointed judges whose only oversight is the icy scythe of Death -- all these reveal a system fully capable of maintaining itself. But our perfect democracy, which neither needs nor particularly wants voters, is a rarity. It is important to remember there still exist other forms of government in the world today, and that dozens of foreign countries still long for a democracy such as ours to be imposed on them.
Jon StewartTags: humor politics democracy voting congress supreme-court
Campaigns and elections are the process in which democracy separates the willing from the able, and goes with the willing.
Jon StewartTags: humor
The Republican party is the party of nostalgia. It seeks to return America to a simpler, more innocent and moral past that never actually existed. The Democrats are utopians. They seek to create an America so fair and non-judgmental that life becomes an unbearable series of apologies.
Together, the two parties function like giant down comforters, allowing a candidate to disappear into the enveloping softness, protecting them from exposure to the harsh weather of independent thought.
Tags: humor
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