He was sick with lust and mesmerized with regret

Joseph Heller


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The chaplain glanced at the bridge table that served as his desk and saw only the abominable orange-red, pear-shaped, plum tomato he had obtained that same morning from Colonel Cathcart, still lying on its side where he had forgotten it like an indestructible and incarnadine symbol of his own ineptitude.

Joseph Heller

Tags: catch-22 chaplain red shaped orange plum pear plum-tomato tomato



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It was possible that there were other vus of which he had never heard and that one of these other vus would explain succinctly the baffling phenomenon of which he had been both a witness and a part; it was even possible that none of what he thought had taken place, really had taken place, and that he was dealing with an aberration of memory rather than of perception, that he never really had thought he had seen what he now thought he once did think he had seen, that his impression now that he once had thought so was merely the illusion of an illusion, and that he was only now imagining that he had ever once imagined seeing a naked man sitting in a tree at the cemetery.

Joseph Heller


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There was only one catch and that was Catch-22....

Joseph Heller


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What do you do when it rains?"
The captain answered frankly. "I get wet.

Joseph Heller


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Colonel Cargill was so awful a marketing executive that his services were much sought after by firms eager to establish losses for tax purposes.

Joseph Heller

Tags: humor



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Under Colonel Korn's rule, the only people permitted to
ask questions were those who never did.

Joseph Heller

Tags: humor



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That's a horrible dream!" Major Sanderson cried. "It's filled with pain and mutilation and death. I'm sure you had it just to spite me. You know, I'm not even sure you belong in the Army, with a disgusting dream like that.

Joseph Heller


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Hasn't it ever occurred to you that in your promiscuous pursuit of women you are merely trying to assuage your subconscious fears of sexual impotence?"
"Yes, sir, it has."
"Then why do you do it?"
"To assuage my fears of sexual impotence.

Joseph Heller


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How do you feel Yossarian?"
"Fine. No, I'm very frightened."
"That's good," said Major Danby. "It proves you're still alive. It won't be fun."
Yossarian started out. "Yes it will.

Joseph Heller


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