On My Interest in Smoking Cigars “You’re not a cigar guy…. Well, the first reason that jumps out at me is that you hold it like you’re jerking off a mouse.

Justin Halpern


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... human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello.

Justin Halpern

Tags: humor inspiration



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Life is fucking long, especially if you're stupid.

Justin Halpern


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What Im trying to say is that what makes you up, its always been around, and it always will be around. So really the only thing you should worry about is the part you're at right now. Where you got a body and a head and all that bullshit. Just worry about living, dying is the easy part.

Justin Halpern


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When I die, I die. I could give a shit, ’cause it ain’t my problem. I’d just rather not shit my pants on the way there,

Justin Halpern


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Eventually, though, I came to the conclusion that I was the male equivalent of a Toyota Camry. You know: No one ever says, "I have to have a Toyota Camry." But most people who spend some time in a Camry start to like it. "It's pretty reliable," they think. "It doesn't have a lot of problems, and it's not bad to look at. You know what? I'd probably prefer a nicer car. But I can live with a Camry.

Justin Halpern

Tags: humor



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We aint a sharp species. We kill each other over arguments about what happens when you die, then fail to see the fucking irony in that.

Justin Halpern


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I don't need more friends. You got friends and all they do is ask you to help them move. Fuck that. I'm old. I'm through moving this shit.

Justin Halpern


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No, you can't go getting mad at people because they're shitty. Life will get mad at them, don't worry..

Justin Halpern


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If you work hard and study hard. And you fuck up. That's okay. If you fuck up and you fuck up, then you're a fuckup

Justin Halpern

Tags: determination hard-work fucking-up



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