On My Interest in Smoking Cigars “You’re not a cigar guy…. Well, the first reason that jumps out at me is that you hold it like you’re jerking off a mouse.
Justin Halpern... human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello.
Justin HalpernTags: humor inspiration
Life is fucking long, especially if you're stupid.
Justin HalpernWhat Im trying to say is that what makes you up, its always been around, and it always will be around. So really the only thing you should worry about is the part you're at right now. Where you got a body and a head and all that bullshit. Just worry about living, dying is the easy part.
Justin HalpernWhen I die, I die. I could give a shit, ’cause it ain’t my problem. I’d just rather not shit my pants on the way there,
Justin HalpernEventually, though, I came to the conclusion that I was the male equivalent of a Toyota Camry. You know: No one ever says, "I have to have a Toyota Camry." But most people who spend some time in a Camry start to like it. "It's pretty reliable," they think. "It doesn't have a lot of problems, and it's not bad to look at. You know what? I'd probably prefer a nicer car. But I can live with a Camry.
Justin HalpernTags: humor
We aint a sharp species. We kill each other over arguments about what happens when you die, then fail to see the fucking irony in that.
Justin HalpernI don't need more friends. You got friends and all they do is ask you to help them move. Fuck that. I'm old. I'm through moving this shit.
Justin HalpernNo, you can't go getting mad at people because they're shitty. Life will get mad at them, don't worry..
Justin HalpernIf you work hard and study hard. And you fuck up. That's okay. If you fuck up and you fuck up, then you're a fuckup
Justin HalpernTags: determination hard-work fucking-up
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