I was the apprentice of Robert James Bakker. I'm sure you've heard of him. I am a sorcerer. I was there when Bakker died. We... made it happen. I too have met death, and did not have to peel the bones away from my chest to survive the encounter. I am also, and incidentally, the Midnight Mayor, the blue electric angels, the fire in the wire, the song in the telephones, and we are having a bad week. Be smart; fear us.
Kate GriffinTags: the-midnight-mayor a-madness-of-angels matthew-swift the-neon-court
So...I suggest you try and get control over your more unusual nature, see if you can't coax those claws away, and I'll try very, very hard not to throw up over what's left of your shoes. How does that sound?
Kate GriffinTags: humor shapeshifter matthew-swift
The van stank of cabbage and cornered like a drunken elephant. It would do.
Kate GriffinTags: humor matthew-swift
The exorcist had a slightly Australian tinge to his voice, and the laid-back, whatever-comes-next attitude of a man who had suddenly realised two degrees short of a sunstroke that exorcism was the perfect career choice he'd never been offered in school.
Kate GriffinTags: humor exorcism matthew-swift
When humans work, they frequently become unaware of their own body, their own senses, are surprised to find that their wrists ache or their backs are sore or their friend has left the building. It's as close to an out-of-body experience as can be achieved short of fifty volts, a circle of warding, a pigeon's claw cut from an albino female of purest white feathers, or a lot of mushrooms.
Kate GriffinTags: work matthew-swift out-of-body
You want to know a secret?"
"Always."
"My real name is Dave."
"I see."
"This doesn't seem to amuse you."
"I met Jeremy the troll a few nights ago."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously. Also known as the Mighty Raaaarrggh! Although...I can sorta see why you changed the name. 'Dave' isn't knwon for its mysterious, mystic sexiness.
Tags: humor names matthew-swift
Never underestimate the ridiculous things that have been done in the name of religious-semantic obscurity.
Kate GriffinTags: religion matthew-swift
Always be polite to possible murderers: that was the twenty-four-hour-shopping philosophy.
Kate GriffinTags: shopping the-midnight-mayor kate-griffin
Whoever had said in the guidebooks that the bum bag was a sensible device against theft had lied; no single item of dressware ever invented cried out "mug me" more than a pouch of zip-up plastic suspended by your groin.
Kate GriffinTags: humor the-midnight-mayor bum-bag fanny-pack kate-griffin
Curiosity may have killed the cat, but paranoia was what tied it up in a sack and buried it in wet concrete.
Kate GriffinTags: curiosity the-midnight-mayor kate-griffin
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