Death is something you cannot escape, such as death, or a cheesecake that has curdled, both of which always turn up sooner later.

Lemony Snicket


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One of the remarkable things about love is that, despite very irritating people writing poems and songs about how pleasant it is, it really is quite pleasant.

Lemony Snicket


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Composer” is a word which here means “a person who sits in a room, muttering and humming and figuring out what notes the orchestra is going to play.” This is called composing. But last night, the Composer was not muttering. He was not humming. He was not moving, or even breathing.
This is called decomposing.

Lemony Snicket


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It is so rare in this world to meet a trustworthy person who truly wants to help you, and finding such a person can make you feel warm and safe, even if you are in the middle of a windy valley high up in the mountains.

Lemony Snicket


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It is often difficult to admit that someone you love is not perfect, or to consider aspects of a person that are less than admirable.

Lemony Snicket


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Never look a gift lion in the mouth.

Lemony Snicket


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Bad circumstances have a way of ruining things that would otherwise be pleasant.

Lemony Snicket


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The Violins waltzed. The Cellos and Basses provided accompaniment. The Violas mourned their fate, while the Concertmaster showed off. The Flutes did bird imitations…repeatedly, and the reed instruments had the good taste to admire my jacket. The Trumpets held a parade in honor of our great nation, while the French Horns waxed nostalgic about something or other. The Trombones had too much to drink. The Percussion beat the band, and the Tuba stayed home playing cards with his landlady, the Harp, taking sips of warm milk a blue little cup.
“But the Composer is still dead.

Lemony Snicket


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There are many difficult things in this world to hide, but a secret is not one of them.

Lemony Snicket


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Announcing your death should be like announcing that you are a lunar moth: It must be done quietly or it will not be believed.

Lemony Snicket


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