One of the greatest myths in the world–and the phrase “greatest myths” is just a fancy way of saying “big fat lies”–is that troublesome things get less and less troublesome if you do them more and more. The truth is that troublesome things tend to remain troublesome no matter how many times you do them, and that you should avoid doing them unless they are absolutely urgent.

Lemony Snicket


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There's an easy method for finding someone when you hear them scream. First get a clean sheet of paper and a sharp pencil. Then sketch out nine rows of fourteen squares each. Then throw the piece of paper away and find whoever is screaming so you can help them. It is no time to fiddle with paper.

Lemony Snicket

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There was something I was always very good at, however, and that was teaching myself not to be frightened while frightening things are going on. It is difficult to do this, but I had learned. It is simply a matter of putting one’s fear aside, like the vegetable on the plate you don’t want to touch until all of your rice and chicken are gone, and getting frightened later, when one is out of danger. Sometimes I imagine I will be frightened for the rest of my life because of all of the fear I put aside during my time in Stain’d-by-the-Sea.

Lemony Snicket


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...there's nothing wrong with occasionally staring out the window and thinking nonsense, as long as the nonsense is yours.

Lemony Snicket


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It is always terrible to be told to go play with people one doesn’t know...

Lemony Snicket


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How do you do?" said Violet.
"How do you do?" said Klaus.
"Odo yow!" said Sunny.

Lemony Snicket


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Scolding must be very, very fun, otherwise children would be allowed to do it. It is not because children don’t have what it takes to scold. You need only three things, really. You need time, to think up scolding things to say. You need effort, to put these scolding things in a good order, so that the scolding can be more and more insulting to the person being scolded. And you need chutzpah, which is a word for the sort of show-offy courage it takes to stand in front of someone and give them a good scolding, particularly if they are exhausted and sore and not in the mood to hear it.

Lemony Snicket


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So you’re reluctant, I said to myself. Many, many people are reluctant. It’s like having feet. It’s nothing to brag about.

Lemony Snicket


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Every new promise was like something heavy I had to carry, with no place to put anything down.

Lemony Snicket


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You may be right,' she said, a phrase which here meant 'I’m wrong, but I don’t have the courage to say so.

Lemony Snicket


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