Look!" Mr. Poe said, who was still too far to help but close enough to see. "Genghis has an eye tattoo, like Count Olaf! In fact, I think he IS Count Olaf!"
"Of course he is!" Violet cried, holding up the unraveled turban.
"Merd!" Sunny shrieked, holding up a tiny piece of shoelace. She meant something like "That's what we've been trying to tell you.
Tags: humor funny curse reference lemony-snicket a-series-of-unfortunate-events silly sneaky the-austere-academy sly count-olaf baby-talk french-word sly-humor
The Baudelaire orphans hung on to one another, and wept and wept while the adults argued endlessly behind them. Finally-as, I'm sorry to say, Count Olaf forced the Quagmires into puppy costumes so he could sneak them onto the airplane without anyone noticing-the Baudelaires cried themselves out and just sat on the lawn together in weary silence.
Lemony SnicketTags: random absurd dark-humor cruel lemony-snicket black-humor a-series-of-unfortunate-events the-austere-academy puppy-costumes
I'm afraid it's not nonsense," Genghis said, shaking his turbaned head and continuing his story. "As I was saying before the little girl interrupted me, the baby didn't dash off with the other orphans. She just sat there like a sack of flour. So I walked over to her and gave her a kick to get her moving."
"Excellent idea!" Nero said. "What a wonderful story this is! And then what happened?"
"Well, at first it seemed like I'd kicked a big hole in the baby," Genghis said, his eyes shining, "which seemed lucky, because Sunny was a terrible athlete and it would have been a blessing to put her out of her misery."
Nero clapped his hands. "I know just what you mean, Genghis," he said. "She's a terrible secretary as well."
"But she did all that stapling," Mr. Remora protested.
"Shut up and let the coach finish his story," Nero said.
"But when I looked down," Genghis continued, "I saw that I hadn't kicked a hole in a baby. I'd kicked a hole in a bag of flour! I'd been tricked!"
"That's terrible!" Nero cried.
Tags: apathy absurd cruelty dark-humor nonsense baby lemony-snicket black-humor a-series-of-unfortunate-events the-austere-academy count-olaf cruel-joke
If the Baudelaire orphans had been stalks of celery, they would not have been small children in great distress, and if they had been lucky, Carmelita Spats would have not approached their table at this particular moment and delivered another unfortunate message.
"Hello, you cakesniffers," she said, "although judging from the baby brat you're more like saladsniffers. I have another message for you from Coach Genghis. I get to be his Special Messenger because I'm the cutest, prettiest, nicest little girl in the whole school."
"If you were really the nicest person in the whole school," Isadora said, "you wouldn't make fun of a sleeping infant. But never mind, what is the message?"
"It's actually the same as last time," Carmelita said, "but I'll repeat it in case you're too stupid to remember. The three Baudelaire orphans are to report to the front lawn tonight, immediately after dinner."
"What?" Klaus asked.
"Are you deaf as well as cakesniffy?"
Carmelita asked.
Tags: humor absurd lemony-snicket a-series-of-unfortunate-events silly the-austere-academy cakesniffers
If you were smart," Genghis said, "you would have borrowed the silverware of one of your friends."
"We never thought of that," Klaus said. When one is forced to tell atrocious lies, one often feels a guilty flutter in one's stomach, and Klaus felt such a flutter now. "You certainly are an intelligent man."
"Not only am I intelligent," Genghis agreed, "but I'm also very smart.
Tags: lies witty intelligent smart clever funny-humor lemony-snicket a-series-of-unfortunate-events count-olaf
And for a minute the four castaways did nothing but weep, letting their tears run down their faces and into the sea, which some have said is nothing but a library of all the tears in history.
Lemony SnicketSometimes the things you’ve lost can be found again in unexpected places.
Lemony SnicketThe expression 'Those who can't do, teach' is a curious one, because if you look at the world , you'll see that teachers aren't particularly worse at doing things than anyone else, so perhaps the expression might be better worded as 'nobody can do anything
Lemony SnicketTags: humor people teachers teaching
When trouble strikes, head to the library. You will either be able to solve the problem, or simply have something to read as the world crashes down around you.
Lemony SnicketFogalmam sincs róla, ti hogy vagytok ezzel, de velem gyakran előfordul, hogy az első véleményem nem állja ki az idő próbáját. Például ránézek egy festményre, és azt mondom: ez nekem nem tetszik! De később aztán mégis nagyon kellemes látványnak találom. Úgy van ez, mint amikor az ember életében először megkóstolja a Gorgonzola sajtot. Akkor azt mondja: ajaj, ez túl erős nekem! Évekkel később azonban a kedvencévé válik, és ha megkérdezik, milyen sajtot szeret, azt válaszolja: kizárólag a Gorgonzolát.
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