Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion--several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven....The higher animals have no religion. And we are told that they are going to be left out in the Hereafter. I wonder why? It seems questionable taste.

Mark Twain

Tags: religion



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There is no distinctly native American criminal class save Congress.

Mark Twain

Tags: political



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Never be haughty to the humble, never be humble to the haughty.

Mark Twain


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Which is him?" The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would go in a book someday.

Mark Twain

Tags: humor writing grammar



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We are all alike on the inside.

Mark Twain

Tags: hero-worship



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Just when I thought I was learning how to live, 'twas then I realized I was learning how to die.

Mark Twain


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April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

Mark Twain

Tags: humor



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Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.

Mark Twain

Tags: happiness sanity



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But they (the infantry) had no use for boys of twelve and thirteen, and before I had a chance in another war, the desire to kill people to whom I had not been introduced had passed away.

Mark Twain


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Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth.
- More Maxims of Mark, Johnson, 1927

Mark Twain


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