When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

Mark Twain

Tags: humor class elitism redheads



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Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

Mark Twain

Tags: simile classic-insult



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The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

Mark Twain


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It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

Mark Twain


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The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it he knows too little.

Mark Twain

Tags: optimism pessimism



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I wonder if God created man because He was disappointed with the monkey.

Mark Twain


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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.

Mark Twain

Tags: humor wit



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Don't wake up a woman in love. Let her dream, so that she does not weep when she returns to her bitter reality

Mark Twain


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Once you've put one of his [Henry James] books down, you simply can't pick it up again.

Mark Twain

Tags: bad-reviews



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Use the right word, not its second cousin.

Mark Twain

Tags: on-writing



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