Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.
Mark TwainHe begged hard, and said he couldn't play—a plausible excuse, but too thin; there wasn't a musician in the country that could.
Mark TwainTags: music humour mark-twain musican
I am prepared to meet anyone, but whether anyone is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter
Mark TwainI`ve had a very difficult life. Fortunately, most of it didn`t happen.
Mark TwainTags: humor
If I were to construct a God I would furnish Him with some way and qualities and characteristics which the Present lacks.
Mark TwainTags: liberty freedom god religion atheism atheist skepticism religious agnosticism agnostic
We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
Mark TwainTags: phillip-riback
Sunday morning came – next day the battalions would leave for the front; the church was filled; the volunteers were there, their young faces alight with martial dreams – visions of the stern advance, the gathering momentum, the rushing charge, the flashing sabers, the flight of the foe, the tumult, the enveloping smoke, the fierce pursuit, the surrender! Then home from the war, bronzed heroes, welcomed, adored, submerged in golden seas of glory! With the volunteers sat their dear ones, proud, happy, and envied by the neighbors and friends who had no sons and brothers to send forth to the field of honor, there to win for the flag, or, failing, die the noblest of noble deaths. The service proceeded; a war chapter from the Old Testament was read; the first prayer was said; it was followed by an organ burst that shook the building, and with one impulse the house rose, with glowing eyes and beating hearts, and poured out that tremendous invocation
Mark TwainThe average man don't like trouble and danger.
Mark TwainThere warn't anybody at the church, except maybe a hog or two, for there warn't any lock on the door, and hogs likes a puncheon floor in summer-time because it's cool. If you notice, most folks don't go to church only when they've got to; but a hog is different.
Mark Twainthe easiest way to get along in life is to not cause too many quarrels
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