It's nice to see you again, Laura."

"Thank you, Mrs. T-"

"No, no, no. Please, my name is-"

"Mud," I suggested. "Mud Barfbag Taylor. Call her Asshat for short."

~Laura, Antonia, Betsy

MaryJanice Davidson

Tags: betsy laura the-ant

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I was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. "My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my eyeballs throb. They're throbbing, dammit!

MaryJanice Davidson

Tags: queen-betsy

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Fredrika Bimm, what do you think you're doing?"
"Freaking out. Losing my mind. Thinking about snapping your husband's spine. Squashing the urge to vomit. Wishing I had died at childbirth."
"Oh, you say that when you don't get a prize in your Lucky Charms.

MaryJanice Davidson

Tags: humour funny freaking

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I walked in on my folks doing it doggy style less than four hours ago."
"Waitress!" Jonas screamed, clicking his fingers madly. "Bring two!" then, more quietly,"You want a neck massage? A bedtime story? A bullet in the ear?

MaryJanice Davidson

Tags: funny funny-and-random

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He's all right. His hair is cute."
Jonas froze, his lobster fork halfway to his mouth. " Oh my God, you're in love."
"I'm not in love."
"'his hair is cute'? You never say anything nice about anyone. Coming from you, cute hair is a mating call."
" I talked to the guy for thirty seconds. And then he waved at me while i was in the tank."
"Holy fuck, you're getting married, aren't you!"
" Will you simmer. I certainly am not.

MaryJanice Davidson

Tags: humour funny in-love

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Mom, he was fucking my mother. He's a motherfucker!
- Sleeping with the Fishes

MaryJanice Davidson

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Why is it suddenly uncool to spell? That's all I want to know.

MaryJanice Davidson

Tags: humor queen-betsy

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Also,I loathe it when you refer to me as dude" Eric Sinclair to Betsy

MaryJanice Davidson

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You don't scare me, Cadence Jones. I've lived with crazy, I've ridden with crazy, I've vacationed with crazy, I've visited crazy in various hospitals, I've sat in on therapy sessions with crazy. Frankly, I think women who don't have major emotional disorders are really very dull.

MaryJanice Davidson

Tags: humor humour funny crazy

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Delk shifted in his chair, the arrow point never wavering. "What do you want?"

"Oh, the usual.World peace, a pair of Christian Louboton heels, a perfect wedding.

MaryJanice Davidson

Tags: humor inspirational motivating

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