I'm sorry, Heather, but everything was not just fine before I got here. You know how I know that? Because you're dead. Okay? You are dead. Dead people don't have lockers, or best friends, or boyfriends. You know why? Because they're dead.-Suze Simon
Meg CabotUnrequited love is all right in books and things, but in real life, it completely sucks
Meg CabotClearly," Jason said, "you are not doing nothing. You are most definitely doing something. What it looks like you're doing is pouring packets of sugar on Lauren Moffat's head."
Shhh," I said. "It's snowing. But only on Lauren." I shook more sugar out of the packets. "'Merry Christmas, Mr. Potter,'" I called softly down to Lauren in my best Jimmy Stewart imitation. "'Merry Christmas, you old building and Loan.'"
Jason started cracking up, and I had to hush him as Becca saw my sugar supply running low and hastened to hand me more packets.
Stop laughing so loud," I said to Jason. "You'll spoil this beautiful moment for them." I sprinkled more sugar over the side of the balcony. "'Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
Hey!" Lauren Moffat's voice, sounding noticeably irritated, floated up to us. "What-ew! What's in my hair?"
We all three ducked beneath our table so Lauren couldn't see us if she realized what was happening and looked up. I could see her between the slits of the fencing around the balcony, but I knew she couldn't see me. She was shaking out her hair. Becca, crouching across from me, had to put her hands across her mouth to keep from giggling. Jason looked like he was about to pee in his pants, he was trying so hard not to laugh.
What's the matter, babe?" Mark came out from beneath the balcony, putting his wallet into his back pocket.
There's something--sand or something-in my hair," Lauren said, still fluffing out her hair-which you could tell she didn't want to do, since she flat-ironed it so straight.
Mark leaned in closer to examine Lauren's hair. "Looks okay to me," he said.
Which just made us laugh harder, until tears were streaming out of the corners of our eyes.
Tags: humor
It was only when they'd rounded the corner toward the Penguin that we finally sat up, Laughing semi-hysterically.
"Oh my God, did you see her face?" Becca asked between guffaws. "'There's something in my hair!'"
"That was fantastic, Crazytop," Jason said, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. "Best master plan yet.
Tags: humor
I've only been gone a week," I reminded him.
Well, a week's a long time. It's seven days. Which is one hundred and sixty-eight hours. Which is ten thousand, eighty minutes. Which is six hundred thousand, for hundred seconds.
Tags: 1-800-where-r-you
And that whole do-able/undo-able thing? Yeah. Need I point out that neither Ruth nor I have ever "done" anybody in our lives?
Meg CabotTags: 1-800-where-r-you
and standing before me a bloodied bottle of Absolut in her hand, is Mrs. Allington, her pink jogging suit drenched, her chest heaving, her eyes filled with contempt as she stared down at Rachel's prone body. Mrs. Allington shakes her head. "I'm a size twelve," she says.
Meg CabotAlso, I think I felt something come loose back there. I'm not trying to overact or anything, but I think it was my uterus. Honest. I think my uterus jiggled free.
Meg CabotI stare at her, as dumbstruck as if she'd just admitted she's a Scientologist with an invitation to join Tom and Katie on the spaceship when it shows up.
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