I'm young, but I'm already screwing up my life. I'm smart but not enough -- just smart enough to have problems.
Ned VizziniThat's what gets me through the day. Knowing that I could do it. That I'm strong enough to do it and I can get it done.
Ned VizziniThe thought trail one another in my brain running from the back up to the front and dripping down again under my chin: I'm no one; I'll never make it in my life; I'm about to get revealed as a fake, I've already been revealed as a fake but I don't know it yet; I know I'm a fake and pretend not to. All the good thoughts - the normal ones, the ones that have occasionally surfaced since last fall - scramble out the front of my brain in terror of what lives in my neck and spine. This is the worst it'll ever be
Ned VizziniIf you can't get out of bed for long enough, people come and take your bed away
Ned VizziniThere's so much more for me to be doing. I should be a success and I'm not and other people - younger people - are. Younger people than me are on TV and getting paid and winning scholarships and getting their lives in order. I'm still a nobody. When am I going to not be a nobody?
Ned VizziniI found myself jealous of the people who wrote the books. They were dead and they were still taking up my time. Who did they think they were?
Ned VizziniI feel it in my pocket. I don't want to lose it. It's one of the only things that's making me me right now. Without my cell phone, who will I be? I won't have any friends because I don't have their numbers memorized. I'll barely have a family since I don't know their cell phone numbers, just their home line. I'll be like an animal.
Ned VizziniI eat not because I want to, not because I have to overcome anything, not to prove myself to anyone, but because it's there. I eat because that's what people do. And somehow when the food is put in front of you by an institution, when there's a large gray force behind it and you don't have to thank anyone for it, you have the animal instinct to make it disappear,
Ned VizziniDoc, I'm not afraid of dying; I'm only afraid of living, and I want to put this bayonet through my stomach,
Ned Vizziniits hard to talk when you want to kill yourself
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