No," I say. "I didn't know that," and as I say it I feel flooded with bitterness at all the things Ingrid kept secret from me.
Nina LaCourTags: friendship suicide regret bitterness
I was so blinded by her talent that I didn't recognize the tremendous pain behind her work. She gave me hundreds of images, so many chances to see that she was in trouble. I failed her.
Nina LaCourTags: friendship suicide regret
You might be looking for reasons but there are no reasons.
Nina LaCourTags: friendship love reason suicide regret
I wish I knew why she never told me any of this. Maybe she thought I wouldn't be able to handle it, that I was too sheltered or too innocent or something. If she had told me why she cut herself all the time, or that it was the pills that made her act so spaced out, or that she was even on pills, or even saw doctors, or any of it, I would have done my best to help her. I'm not saying I'm a superhero. I'm not saying I would have just swooped down and saved her. I'm just saying the only reason everything was a waste was that she made it a waste. That whole time, back when I was just a normal kid in high school, living out my normal life, I really thought everything mattered.
Nina LaCourTags: suicide regret wishful-thinking
There are so many things that I want so badly to tell you but I just can't.
Nina LaCourThere used to be days that I thought I was okay, or at least that I was going to be. We'd be hanging out somewhere and everything would just fit right and I would think 'it will be okay if it can just be like this forever' but of course nothing can ever stay just how it is forever.
Nina LaCourTags: friendship love suicide forever suicide-note okay
This is what I want so don't be sad.
Nina LaCourTags: friendship love suicide sad regret suicide-note
It isn't the happy ending Ingrid and I had dreamed up, but it's all a part of what I'm working through. The way life changes. The way people and things disappear. Then appear, unexpectedly, and hold you close.
Nina LaCourTags: life love inspiration people change happy-ending disappear
dear today,
i spend all of you pretending i'm okay when i'm not, pretending i'm happy when i'm not, pretending about everything to everyone.
Tags: happiness letters faking-it pretending okay
I don't want to hurt you or anybody so please forget about me. Just try. Find yourself a better friend.
Nina LaCourTags: friendship love hurt suicide suicide-note
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