How unbelievably naïve we both were that night. We clung hard to each other, making vows we couldn't keep and should never have spoken aloud. That's how love is sometimes. I already loved him more than I'd ever loved anything or anyone. I knew he needed me absolutely, and I wanted him to go on needing me forever.
Paula McLainThe accordion and the whores and the retching,' he said. 'That's our music.
Paula McLainNot everyone believes in marriage then. To marry was to say you believed in the future and in the past, too – that history and tradition and hope could stay knitted together to hold you up. But the war had come and stolen all the fine young men and our faith too. There was only today to throw yourself into without thinking about tomorrow, let alone forever. To keep you from thinking there was liquor, an ocean's worth at least, all the usual vices and plenty of rope to hang yourself with. But some of us, very few in the end, bet on marriage against the odds.
Paula McLainWhatever they were, they were living their lives, out there doing it, making their mistakes. Somehow I'd gotten stuck along the way […] and I didn't know how to free myself exactly.
Paula McLainIt was terrible to feel so empty, as if I were nothing. Why couldn't I be happy? And just what was happines anyway?
Paula McLainWhat do you mean to do?'
'Make literary history, I guess.
You on the train and me here and everything emptier now you're gone. Tell me, are you real?
Paula McLainThere was nowhere to go in the house to escape my dark thoughts.
Paula McLainI might just crawl under my bed and not come out until I'm old and doddering and can't remember feeling anything for anyone at all.
Paula McLainDo you think we can ever leave the past behind?' he said.
'I don't know. I hope so.
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