I'd feel a whole lot better about the two of us if you didn't think I was the go-to guy for breaking and entering.
Rachel CaineTags: funny shane breaking-and-entering
At least you left out the oh-my-God sauce this time."
"Made myself a batch with it," Shane said. "It's got the biohazard sticker on it in the fridge, so don't bitch if you get flamed.
Tags: funny awesome morganville-vampires chilli
We're clear," she said. "You're kind of a psycho. I get that
Rachel CaineTags: funny crazy morganville-vampires
A disrespectful young woman...something I was called more than once. Something ever woman of quality is called sooner or later, by a man who feels they do not know their place. As we do not, because our place is as lofty as we may aspire to climb. It is the language of men who fear women.
Rachel CaineTags: morganville-vampires amelie
I added pieces the same way I’d constructed my body, from the inside out: boy-cut panties first (lacy), bra (sheer), stockings (thigh high), knee-length leather skirt (black), lime green midriff-baring shirt (polyester). David leaned against the wall and watched this striptease-in-reverse with fabulously expressive eyebrows slowly climbing toward heaven, I finished it off with a pair of strappy lime green three-inch heels, something from the Manolo Blahnik spring collection that I’d seen two months ago in Vogue.
He looked me over, blinked behind the glasses, and asked, “You’re done?”
I took offense, “Yeah. You with the fashion police?”
“I don’t think I’d pass the entrance exam.” The eyebrows didn’t come down. “I never knew you were so…”
“Fashionable?”
“Not really the word I was thinking.”
I struck a pose and looked at him from under my supernaturally lustrous eyelashes. “Come on, you know it’s sexy.”
“And that’s sort of my point.
Tags: sexy joanne-and-david
His smile was bright and sweet and hot enough to melt solid steel. "Is this the part where I kiss you?"
"If you like."
"Oh," he said, "I like.
Tags: kiss sweet eve-rosser michael-glass rachel-caine black-dawn the-morganville-vampires
Who's your daddy?'
Myrnin stared at him as if he'd gone completely mental. 'Excuse me?
Tags: humor funny shane-collins myrnin rachel-caine black-dawn the-morganville-vampires
Well," he said, "I think we've found our way in. We just wait until they're duking it out, but trust me, these Humans First types don't have a lot of staying power or they'd have been at the gym with me before. I doubt Grandma Kent there is going to do a lot of damage." He pointed at a gray-haired, hunched lady in a shawl, carrying what looked liked a gardening tool. "It's like Plants Versus Zombies, and I'm not rooting for the zombies, weirdly enough.
Rachel CaineTags: humor human funny plants zombie shane
It made her eyes fill up with tears, and she for a few more minutes starting it over, replaying it, watching his lips say the words: "We can be lonely together.
Rachel CaineTags: relationships fall-of-night loney
The ringtone was a dead giveaway, emphasis on dead . . . creepy organ music. She didn’t even have to glance at the image of fanged
bunny slippers on the screen to know who was calling. She just sighed, thumbed it on, and held it to her ear.
“Claire! I need you here immediately. Something’s wrong with Bob.” Myrnin, her mad-scientist, blood-addicted boss, sounded actually shaken. “I
can’t get him to eat his insects, and I used his favorites. He just sits there.”
“Bob,” she repeated, looking at Shane in wide-eyed disbelief. “Bob the spider.”
“Just because he’s a spider doesn’t mean he deserves any less concern! Claire, you have a way with him. He likes you.”
Just what she needed. Bob the spider liked her. “You do realize that he’s a year old, at least. And spiders don’t live that long.”
“You think he’s dead?” Myrnin sounded horrified. So wrong.
“Is he curled up?”
“No. He’s just quiet.”
“Well, maybe he’s not hungry.”
“Will you come?” Myrnin asked. He sounded calmer now, but also oddly needy. “It’s been very lonely here these past few days. I’d like your
company, at least for a little while.” When she hesitated, he used the pity card. “Please, Claire.”
“Fine,” she sighed. “I’m bringing Shane.”
After a second of silence, he said, flatly, “Goody,” and hung up.
Tags: funny-but-sad
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