He raises his glass, and I surprise myself by doing the same. Then he looks me square in the eye. There's a lot in that look. It's enticing, nerveracking. Like a roller coaster that you know is going to make your heart plummet down into your stomach, but it must be what you want, because you get on anyway.
Rebecca SerleSometimes this happens without warning. Like the magnitude of the past - of all that has happened - creeps into the space and inflates. One minute it's this little thing - contained, pocket-size - the next minute it's a creature. With legs and arms and scales. That's how grief works. It's there even when you forget about it. It doesn't disappear, but just morphs, changes form.
Rebecca SerleIf I could go back to that night in May, I'd do things very differently. I'd never end up on that rooftop with Kristen. I'd never save her. I wouldn't have to.
But even stories with the biggest impact, perhaps particularly these, don't have the power to be re-written. If if if if... would everything be different? It doesn't matter though. What's done is done.
That was the night I learned that the things we don't ask about - ignore, walk by - those can be the most deadly of all.
Rebecca SerleThat's the thing about the places we come from - they probably say the least about who we really are than anything.
Rebecca SerleI decide to take the subway uptown. I need some time to think, and I can never thing as well in cabs as I can on the subway. For one, I get carsick, and for another, I always feel self-conscious in cabs. I feel like I should talk to the driver or something. That's what one-on-one interaction forces. I prefer being underground. It's comforting, in an odd way. Too many people crammed into this moving metal space. You feel really small down there, insignificant. You'd think that would be a bad thing, but it's not. It's one of the best feelings in the world.
Rebecca SerleI'm trying hard to remain composed. His face slackens, smooths out, and I can't help but run my eyes over his cheeks, his ears, the freckle on his face. I think about how many times I've kissed that exact spot. When someone breaks up with you they should take their memories with them. It shouldn't be possible to remember someone when they're no longer there.
Rebecca SerleI've been working on my honesty this summer. I've told such a big lie, such a massively irreversible one, that I figure I need to somehow even the score. But the thing about lying is that it's not so easy to stop. Lies need one another, like a school of fish. If you start to separate them, they'll be killed off one by one. Sometimes the only way to keep lies alive is to tell more of them.
Rebecca Serle« first previous
Page 3 of 3.
Data privacy
Imprint
Contact
Diese Website verwendet Cookies, um Ihnen die bestmögliche Funktionalität bieten zu können.