The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.

Scott Adams

Tags: humor food



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You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.

Scott Adams

Tags: humor vegetarianism food vegetarian



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What does it mean to be yourself?” he asked. “If it
means to do what you think you ought to do, then you’re
doing that already. If it means to act like you’re exempt
from society’s influence, that’s the worst advice in the
world; you would probably stop bathing and wearing clothes.
The advice to ‘be yourself’ is obviously nonsense. But our
brains accept this tripe as wisdom because it is more comfortable
to believe we have a strategy for life than to believe
we have no idea how to behave.

Scott Adams


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I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero.

Scott Adams

Tags: humor



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The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to
think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy.
- Wally's Keynote Speech

Scott Adams


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When did ignorance become a point of view?

Scott Adams


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The best things in life are silly.

Scott Adams


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The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.

Scott Adams


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The best you can hope for in a relationship is to find
someone whose flaws are the sort you don’t mind. It is
futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone
who is capable of significant change; that sort of person
exists only in our imaginations.

Scott Adams

Tags: relationships



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If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.

Scott Adams


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