Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do; for I shall not have my best warrior resigned to the service of a man who is fatter than Buddha and duller than the edge of a learning sword.
Seth Grahame-SmithShe remembered the lead ammunition in her pocket and offered it to him. 'Your balls, Mr. Darcey?'He reached out and closed her hand around them, and offered, 'They belong to you Miss Bennet.
Seth Grahame-SmithJudge us not equally, Abraham
Seth Grahame-SmithAnd though we have all the comforts of the world, we find no comfort in them.
Seth Grahame-SmithThe only certainty is that we shall never be certain.
Seth Grahame-SmithThere was once a man who yearned to live forever. Beginning in his youth, he prayed for God to grant him immortality. He was charitable and earnest, honest in his business dealings, true to his wife, and kind to his children. He humbled himself before God and preached His laws to all who would listen. And yet, he continued to age with every passing year, until he finally died a frail old man. When he reached heaven, he asked, "Lord, why did You refuse to answer my prayer? Did I not live my life according to Your word? Did I not praise Your name to all who would listen?" To which God replied, "You did all of these things. And that is why I did not curse you by answering your prayer.
Seth Grahame-SmithElisabeth and Darcy merely looked at one another in awkward silence, until the latter reached both arms around her. She was frozen. "What does he mean to do?" she thought. But his intentions were respectable, for Darcy merely meant to retrieve his Brown Bess, which Elisabeth had affixed to her back during her walk. She rememberd the lead ammunition in her pocket and offered it to him. "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?" He reached out and closed her hand around them, and offered, "They belong to you, Miss Bennet.
Seth Grahame-SmithTags: pride-and-prejudice-and-zombies
I nearly broke out laughing when the wrteched soothsayer warned Caesar: "Beware the Ides of April." I thought it a miracle (and a relief) that no one in the udience had snickered or yelled out a correction. How could such an error be made by an actor? Had my ears deceived me?
Seth Grahame-SmithTags: julius-caesar
Well, it sure as hell weren't no tree-climbin' horse. (Jack to Abe)
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