What the hell are you doing here? You weren't on the guest list. Hell, you people aren't on anybody's guest list. If you turned up at a funeral, the corpse would walk out on you.

Simon R. Green

Tags: humor humour

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Who ... what are they?"

"My pride and glory," Alex said fondly. "Betty and Lucy Coltrane. Best damned bouncers in the business. Though of course I'd never tell them that. Fiercer than pit bulls and cheaper to run. Married to each other. They had a dog once, but they ate it.

Simon R. Green

Tags: humor

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I ignored him, concentrating on Lilith. "According to the stories, after you were expelled from Eden you went down into Hell, where you coupled with demons and gave birth to all the monsters that have plagued the world."

"I was young," said Lilith. "You know how it is. We all do things we later regret, when we're being rebellious teenagers.

Simon R. Green

Tags: humor monsters rebellion teenagers lilith

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Oh God, it's her, run!

Simon R. Green

Tags: humor

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See, phrenology is this old Victorian science, which claimed you could determine the dominant traits of a man's personality by studying the bumps on his head. The size and position of these bumps indicated different personality traits. See? Now, /retro-phrenology/ says, why not change a man's personality by hitting him on the head with a hammer, till you raise just the right bumps in the right places!"
"One of us needs a lot more drinks," said Alex. "That's starting to make sense.

Simon R. Green

Tags: humor john taylor nightside phrenology

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I love to dance!" she said cheerfully.
"Sometimes I think the whole world should be put to music and choreographed!"

"This being the Nightside, someone somewhere is undoubtedly working on that very thing, right now.

Simon R. Green

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It's always thoughts of family that drive me crazy, and it's always my friends who bring me back.
Agents of Light and Darkness p.218

Simon R. Green

Tags: friends family john-taylor

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Wait. You've got principles? We'll have to update your file.

Simon R. Green

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I didn't know if I still had it in me to be really dangerous, but I thought so. It's like knocking someone off a bike with a baseball bat; you never really lose the knack.

Simon R. Green

Tags: dangerous bike

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Big corporations aren't always the bad guys; but it's the sensible way to bet.

Simon R. Green

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