The first story is all about the president washing his piano. At least I’m pretty sure that’s what presidente and lavoro pieno must mean
Sophie KinsellaNot a cute little whimper. Not a plaintive little wail. A full-throated, piercing “This Woman Has Kidnapped Me, Call the Cops" scream.
Sophie KinsellaSuddenly I've had enough of all this. I've had enough of being made to feel insecure and paranoid and wondering what's going on
Sophie KinsellaWe all fail to appreciate each day just how much we already possess. Light, air, freedom, the companionship of friends.
Sophie KinsellaLuke!...We have to be able to do cool dancing so we don't embarrass our child!"
"I'm a very cool dancer," replies Luke. "Very cool indeed,"
"No you're not!"
"I had dance lessons in my teens, you know," he retorts. "I can waltz like Fred Astire."
"Waltz?" I echo derisively. "That's not cool! We need to know all the street moves. Watch me."
I do a couple funky head-wriggle body-pop maneuvers, like they do on rap videos. When I look up, Luke is gaping at me.
"Sweetheart," he says. "What are you doing?"
"It's hip-hop!" I say. "It's street!"
"Becky! Love!" Mum has pushed her way through her dancing guests to reach me. "What's wrong? Has labour started?"
Honestly. My family has no idea about contemporary urban steet dance trends.
Tags: humor
He leans forward and his mouth brushes briefly
against mine, and I feel... nothing.
I was hoping our first kiss would trigger all sorts of memories or sensations, maybe a sudden image of Paris or our wedding, or our first snog. But as he draws away I feel totally, one hundred percent blank.
I can see the anticipation in Eric's face and quickly search for something encouraging to say.
"That was lovely! Very..." I trail off, unable to think of a single word other than quick, which I'm not sure hits the right note.
"It didn't bring back any memories?" Eric is studying my face.
"Well...no," I say apologetically. "But, I mean, that doesn't mean it wasn't really... I mean it was... I feel quite turned on!" The words come out before I can stop them.
What the hell did I say that for? I don't feel turned on.
"Really?" Eric lights up and he puts his briefcase down.
Oh no. No no no. Nooo.
Tags: humor
Our whole family thrives under pressure. It's like our family motto or something.
Apart from my brother Peter, of course. He had a nervous break down. But the rest of us.
Your job is obviously very pressured."
"I thrive under pressure," I explain. Which is true. I've known that about myself ever since...
Well. Ever since my mother told me when I was about 8.
His skin is so hard and rough, it’s like shaking a piece of tree bark.
Sophie KinsellaTags: humor
A mother in J Brand skinny jeans with an impeccably dressed daughter walks past, giving me the Mummy Once-over, and I flinch. Since I had Minnie, I’ve learned that the Mummy Once-over is even more savage than the Manhattan Once-over. In the Mummy Once-over, they don’t just assess and price your clothes to the nearest penny in one sweeping glance. Oh no. They also take in your child’s clothes, pram brand, nappy bag, snack choice and whether your child is smiling, snotty or screaming. Which I know is a lot to take in, in a one-second glance, but believe me, mothers are multi-taskers.
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