I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.

Steven Wright

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I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you’ve seen some of it.

Steven Wright

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I went to a general store, but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.

Steven Wright

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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.

Steven Wright

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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.

Steven Wright

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It doesn’t matter what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.

Steven Wright

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Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Steven Wright

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The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, 'Tell me about some of the people who were here last year.

Steven Wright

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What is the speed of dark?

Steven Wright

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If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

Steven Wright

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