We never remember what is important, only what matters to us
Suzanne FinnamorePeople are suppose to return response cards, but many of them haven't. These are people I naturally assumed would be thrilled and would reply immediately. Now I have to call them and ask them about it, and I have to be nice and not say what I would like to say.
"Hello? I'm sorry to bother you, but is it too much fucking trouble to send that little card back? I put a stamp on it. But maybe you need me to come over to your house and carry you to the mailbox."
In light of these developments, there ought to be a way to uninvite people who are disturbing me.
I don't know how I got Michael. Maybe I just had a store credit from some other very lonely and shitty life.
Suzanne FinnamoreThe swans are unnaturally beautiful. They mate for life.
I wish they could talk. I have questions.
Today I bought my first issue of Modern Bride Magazine, the November issue. I have it right here. I ordered a year's subscriptioin, using the 1800 number and not the business reply mail card.
Your Dream Dress (It's Here!)
50 Romantic Honeymoons - From Sweet to Sexy
12 Reception Hints You Can't Overlook
6 Real Bridal Makeovers with Expert Tips for You
I discover that holding the magazine makes me anxious. I put it down. I am wondering if there is a way to make me over and, if so, will I be able to be made back.
It strikes me that I am going to have to have a wedding. And it is going to have to be perfect, according to this magazine. There are 12 reception hints I can't overlook. And that's just the tip of the bayonet.
My gut feeling is, My GOD, haven't I done enough?
I notice that, as the wedding date approaches, some doors are opening and others are closing. I have no control.
Suzanne FinnamoreI was flying home from LA and all of a sudden I looked out at the clouds and I realized, Jesus we are really flying, and it was the most wonderful and miraculous thing, and about a minute later the feelings of anxiety and panic begin.
I feel the same way about marriage, today.
Reuben nails my fantasies everytime, with iron rods of reality. He asserts that I am going to die, but probably not for a while, and that maybe I should try getting married and having a life first. He is 70 and knows things, which is why I go to him. But it's sad to leave my romantic illusions at the door of this passage. Although false and destructive and useless, they've been tremendous company.
Suzanne FinnamoreIt's impressive how God attends to the details.
Suzanne FinnamoreWhat nobody tells you about getting engaged is he asks you and you're delirious for about 2 days and then it tapers. He asks you and you're running around telling grocery clerks and ordering subscriptions to bride magazines and discussing prong settings, and then after 2 days this ebullience passes. And instead of looking ahead you are suddenly struck by everything you are leaving behind.
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