I have done a number of things to keep this man. I have lied and cheated. I have been sexy and meek, fierce and vulnerable. I have been everything but myself. He is mine right now, but I am never enough for him. I can feel it — see it in the way he looks at me.
His eyes are always probing, searching for something. I don’t know what he’s looking for. I wish I did.
I knew he never loved me like he loved her, but I wanted him anyway. I knew his love for me was conditional, but I wanted him anyway. I knew I was second choice, but I wanted him anyway. But,this was too much.
Tarryn FisherDo you love me, or the idea of me?
Tarryn FisherOne thing to know about me: I dig. If I can’t find it — I dig deeper, harder. I dig until I find it. The only thing I couldn’t dig into was my own mind. I didn’t want to see it.
Tarryn FisherShe lies about how she’s feeling, how she’s hurting, how she wants you when she tells you she doesn’t. She lies to protect you and herself.
Tarryn FisherI once watched a natural dam break on television. I remember seeing a scenic picture of a river surrounded by trees. All of the sudden, the trees disappeared--sucked away by the collapse of the riverbank. A swell of angry water rushed around the corner wiping out everything in its path. It was sudden, and it was violent.
I see the dam break in Caleb's eyes.
What you're doing--it's the right thing. Going after what you love despite everything you've done, and I won't sugarcoat it, you've done some pretty lousy things, but you did it all because you love this single human being so much you couldn't help yourself. There is an honesty to that.
Tarryn FisherThe first time I saw her — my God — it was like I’d never seen another woman in all my life. It was the way she walked that caught my eye. She moved like water: fluid, determined. Everything else blended together in a blur and all I saw was her. The only solid in all that color.
Tarryn FisherBut, I knew I didn’t believe in
divorce. You couldn’t make vows and just break them. If I married a woman, I was going to stay married. I wouldn’t treat marriage like a lease. Ever.
Selfish, self-centered Caleb Drake loved a girl so much he could already feel himself changing to accommodate her needs. I fell. Hard. For the rest of this life and probably the next.
I wanted her — every last inch of her stubborn, combative, catty heart.
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