Sometimes I float along the river
For its surface I am bound
And there are times stones done fill my pockets
And it's into this river I drown
Tags: into-this-river-i-drown
I was reading on the computer that you have to keep your man interested, so it's always good to make sure he knows others are."
I frown at him. "Angels are not allowed to go on the Internet."
He winces. "Probably a good idea. That place has so much porn."
I don't want to know. Okay, I do...
...Cal kisses me gently before walking out of our room. "Sure thing," he calls over his shoulder. "I did learn some things on the Intenet that I want to try on you. It's not all bad."
I stare after him as his laughter floats back to me.
Time is a river, I've learned. Always moving forward. But for people like me, people who have loved and lost, the river is something we fight. We swim against the current, trying to get back to the way we once were, trying to hold onto anything to keep us from getting swept away. It's exhausting and eventually we tire. Still we push on.
T.J. KluneFor want of my father, I was lost.
T.J. KluneThis is my family, and the noise around me is soothing in a way it hasn't been in quite a long time. That's mostly my doing, I know, given my self-imposed exile in the Land of Sorrow. But hearing the overlapping voices and laughter, seeing the bright eyes and smiles, does more for me than I thought it could.
T.J. KluneEven after two days, I can see that there are so many sides to him...There's times he exudes such strength that it threatens to knock me flat...Those are the times that I do believe he is an angel, that I do believe he guards us as he says he does. Then there are his other sides, most specifically when he seems unsure, hesitant...His wonder is almost childlike in its mien. He sees things I no longer can because it is as if he's experiencing everything for the first time...And then there's the darker part of him. I will send you and yours into the black. I don't want to think about that part. I don't want to know what "the black" is. It's only been two days since he fell from the sky, but those two days have shown just how little I really know about the world.
T.J. KluneBut he came, when I was at my darkest. I prayed him down from the sky, and he came in a flash of blue fire that lit up the heavens. I know he came by his own choice, but he came because I called him. He came when I could no longer take the weight of the world on my own. He came when I needed him the most. He came and saved me from myself, saved me from the waters that rose up to my chest and over my head.
T.J. KluneI've raised you to be honest and kind. I've raised you to be brave and strong. If you become the man I think you'll be, then you and me will always be eye to eye.
T.J. KluneEveryone grieves differently. No one handles the loss of a loved one the same. Some put on a brave face for others, keeping everything internal. Others let it all out at once and shatter, only to pick up the pieces just as quickly as they came apart. Still others don't grieve at all, implying they are incapable of emotion.
Then there are the ones like me, where grief is a badge we wear, where it's hard to let go because we don't want to. We probably wouldn't know how even is we wanted to. There's unanswered questions, unresolved feelings. Tere is anger that this person could even conceive of leaving us behind. We are the furious ones, the ones that scream at the injustice and the pain. We are the ones who obsess and slowly lose rational thought, knowing it is happening but unable to find a way to care. We are the ones who drown.
Had I known then what I know now, I would have clung to him. I would have looked him in the eyes to see that spark of mischief, that undying intelligence that belied his gruff exterior. If I'd known the inevitable, I would have said everything I felt in my heart and soul. I would have told him thank you for being my father. I would have said that if I'm ever going to be a good man, it's going to be because of the way he'd raised me...
...I would have told him I loved him.
But I didn't. I didn't because I didn't know. I didn't even say goodnight. Or goodbye.
« first previous
Page 9 of 11.
next last »
Data privacy
Imprint
Contact
Diese Website verwendet Cookies, um Ihnen die bestmögliche Funktionalität bieten zu können.