To stay or to go, it amounted to the same thing.
Albert CamusTags: philosophy absurd existentialism choices
Dave? This is John. Your pimp says bring the heroin shipment tonight, or he'll be forced to stick you. meet him where we buried the Korean whore. The one without the goatee."
That was code. It meant "Come to my place as soon as you can, it's important.
Tags: humor random absurd funny
We call love what binds us to certain creatures only by reference to a collective way of seeing for which books and legends are responsible.
Albert CamusTags: absurd existentialism probably-bullshit
O.K., then, all right, they would adopt a white-trash dog. Ha ha. They could name it Zeke, buy it a little corncob pipe and a straw hat. She imagined the puppy, having crapped on the rug, looking up at her, going, Cain’t hep it. But no. Had she come from a perfect place? Everything was transmutable. She imagined the puppy grown up, entertaining some friends, speaking to them in a British accent: My family of origin was, um, rather not, shall we say, of the most respectable...
Ha ha, wow, the mind was amazing, always cranking out these—
Rachel got up and did this happy little shuffle, like she was some cheerful farmer chick who'd just stepped outside to find the hick she was in love with coming up the road with a calf under his arm or whatever.
Why was she dancing? No reason.
Just alive, I guess.
Tags: humor happiness dancing absurd
You were torturing a cat," she says. "With a freaking prod."
"A prod I built myself in metal shop," he says. "But of course you never mention that.
Tags: humor animal-cruelty absurd
We pretend to catch and eat more pretend bugs than could ever actually live in one cave. The number of pretend bugs we pretend to catch and eat would in reality basically fill a cave the size of our cave.
George SaundersMr. A calls me into his office and says he's got bad news and bad news, and which do I want first. I say the bad news.
George SaundersTags: humor absurd funny bad-news
I hold the biscuits in front of his face and he stands up.
"What do I have to do?" he says.
"Nothing," I say. "They're for you."
"Are they poisoned?" he says.
"No," I say.
"Eat one," he says.
So I do.
"Probably the others are poisoned," he says. "Eat a fraction of each."
I eat a corner off each biscuit. He looks at the reminders suspiciously, then sniffs them.
"I'm not sure it's worth it," he says. "How I wish you'd never come. Perhaps you've left the poison off of just those corners."
I begin to realize I'll doubt whatever information he gives me.
"Lick the entire biscuit," he says. "Then give them to me."
So I lick each biscuit.
"Both sides," he says.
I lick both sides of each biscuit. I give him the wet biscuits and he cracks them open and sniffs them. Then he puts them in his pocket.
"What do you want?" he says. "Now that you've failed to poison me to death.
Tags: humor doubt absurd paranoia poisoning
Snorkel through our vibrant menagerie of fish and marine life, each one of which has been clearly tagged and labeled for your convenience. Do you think the jokers at Sandals would do that for you? We’ve stocked our ivory reef with disparate creatures from all over the world, creating a lavishly unbalanced ecosystem that you have to see to believe. Often the things that nature never intended are the most fun to look at.
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