I'll not have an exchange with an impudent fool." [Oswald]
He's not impudent," said Jones [the puppet]. "With proper inspiration, the lad sports a woody as stout as a mooring pin. Ask your lady."
I nodded in agreement with the puppet, for he is most wise for having a brain of sawdust.
Impudent! Impudent! Not impotent!" said Oswald, frothing a bit now.
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A hundred brilliant witticisms died suffocating on the captain's heavy glove. Thus muted, I pumped my codpiece at the duke and tried to force a fart, but my bum tumpet could find no note.
Christopher MooreTags: fool christopher-moore
Next out of the hall came the sisters and their husbands. Before I could say anything, the captain had clamped his hand over my mouth and was lifting me off my feet as I kicked. Cornwall made as to draw his dagger, but Regan pulled him away. "You've just won a kingdom, my duke, killing vermin is a servant's task. Leave the bitter fool stew in his own bile."
She wanted me. It was clear.
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Soon a whole guild of low-priced shrine keepers around Europe named their own pope - Boldface the Relatively Shameless, Discount Pope of Prague. The price war was on [...] The Retail Pope would offer cheesy bacon toppings on the Host with communion and the Discount Pope would counter with topless nun night for midnight mass.
Christopher MooreTags: fool christopher-moore
Advice, then, young yeoman: When referring to the king's middle daughter, state that she is fair, speculate that she is pious, but unless you'd like to spend your watch looking for the box where your head is kept, resist the urge to wax ignorant on her naughty bits." -Pocket
I don't know what that means, sir." -Yeoman
Speak not of Regan's shaggacity, son" [...] -Pocket
Tags: fool christopher-moore
Do we still have to floss?" Tommy asked. "I mean, what's the point of being immortal if we have to floss?
Christopher MooreTags: christopher-moore you-suck
Inside, I was like: "Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter!
Christopher MooreTags: christopher-moore you-suck
She glanced over her shoulder to look at the forty-foot cabin cruiser where Captain Tarwater posed on the bow looking like an advertisement for a particularly rigid laundry detergent - Bumstick Go-Be-Bright, perhaps
Christopher MooreTags: fluke christopher-moore
The next day the weather was blown out, with whitecaps frosting the entire channel across to Lanai and the coconut palms whipping overhead like epileptic dust mops.
Christopher MooreTags: fluke christopher-moore
Ooo ahe-e, I aya oa a," she said in yawnspeak, a language - not unlike Hawaiian - known for its paucity of consonants.
Christopher MooreTags: fluke christopher-moore
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