He squinted at me. "What are you wearing? Is that some new form of birth control?
Janet EvanovichTags: comedy randy-briggs
Aren't you something," Grandma said. "I never saw a midget up close."
"Little person," Briggs said. "And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either.
Tags: comedy
My father hired you to protect me," Ahmed said, "not to go off chasing men."
Grandma leaned forward, keeping her eye on the Taurus. "We think this guy killed Fred."
"Who's Fred?"
"My uncle," I told him. "He's married to Mabel."
"Ah so you're avenging a murder in the family. This is a good thing.
Tags: comedy
If I let her in I'm doomed. It's like inviting a vampire into your house. Once you've invite them in, that's it, you're good as dead!
Janet EvanovichTags: comedy stephanie-plum grandma-mazur
The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled.
Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting.
Tags: comedy grandma-mazur
Over the road there was a church: a modern gray building, which constantly played a recording of church bells. Strange it was. Why no proper bells? I never went in but I bet it was a robot church for androids, where the Bible was in binary and their Jesus had laser eyes and metal claws.
Russell BrandTags: humor church funny comedy robots
For the record, folks; I never took a shit on stage and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973.
Frank ZappaA drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole.
Frank ZappaI shouted the perfect words to scare him off. It was just the delivery (and only the delivery) that made me sound like a twelve-year-old girl with pee running down her leg.
I felt dirty and stupid.
Tags: humor literature comedy
The stalker, meanwhile, stepped into the road. Didn’t even check for traffic. There wasn’t any, but something told me this was lucky for traffic rather than the stalker.
Graham ParkeTags: humor philosophy comedy
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