Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.

Carroll Bryant

Tags: humor humorous hilarious comical funny-but-true funny-humor funny-as-hell funny-but-sad



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All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.

Carroll Bryant

Tags: humor funny humorous comical funny-humor



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What is the world coming to, with these modern women? A man can't tell them what to do.

Tessa Dare

Tags: comical



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What goes up must come down. Which is why we invented Viagra, to make it stay up a little longer.

Carroll Bryant

Tags: humor funny humorous comical humorous-quote



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...You see I believe in that stuff to: yoga and mystical powers. I once knew a man who could kill himself on command. Can you believe that? . . . Why do you laugh? . . . Believe it! By will of his own mind, he could make his heart stop beating for good' My neighbor poised and looked seriously at me, searching in my eyes. '...You laugh!' he repeated once more… 'You laugh, but he was a master at it! He could commit suicide at his own will!'
Indeed, hearty laughter streamed through my nose. 'Could he do it perpetually?' I asked.
'Perpetually...?' My neighbor rubbed his waxy chin.
'I mean, is he still able to do it?'
'I’m not sure I understand.'
'Well? Then is he dead…?!'
My neighbor's puzzled face slowly began to transform into a look of realization. 'But sir,' he said, 'Of course he’s dead! I mean to say... this man could kill himself on command, you see. And you don’t come back from the dead!'
The two of us found ourselves crossing to the door so I could let my visitor out. I slapped him with friendliness on the shoulder.
'No, you don’t come back from the dead,' I agreed.

Roman Payne

Tags: death funny suicide yoga mysticism comical payne the-wanderess mind-powers mystical-powers



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It seems to me that very sad things always contain an element of the comical

Haruki Murakami

Tags: sad comical



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Assumptions are unopened windows that foolish birds fly into, and their broken bodies are evidence gathered too late.

Bryan Davis

Tags: funny assumptions irony comical harsh blunt



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This book had two authors, and they were both the same person.

Terry Pratchett

Tags: fantasy-books comical fantasy-fiction jared-wheat



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I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, and PMS. With a little BS and OMG mixed in.

Dannika Dark

Tags: humor romance funny character observation bs comical pms series ocd urban-fantasy pnr add omg uf dannika-dark



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I cannot, I cannot,' cried Marianne; 'leave me, leave me, if I distress you; leave me, hate me, forget me! But do not torture me so. Oh! how easy for those who have no sorrow of their own to talk of extertion!

Jane Austen

Tags: love anger torture distress comical



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