I'm not that shallow, asshole. I don't need money. It's way more important for them to be good-looking.

Chelsea Handler

Tags: humor shallow dating appearance shallowness



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It was Valentine's Day and I had spent the day in bed with my life partner, Ketel One. The two of us watched a romance movie marathon on TBS Superstation that made me wonder how people who write romantic comedies can sleep at night.

At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and then some Matthew McConaughey type either whips around the corner just in the nick of time to save her or is clumsily pulled down along with her. That event predictably leads to the magical moment of their first kiss. Please. I fall all-the-time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer.

Then, within the two hour time frame of the movie, the couple meet, fall in love, fall out of love, break up, and then just before the end of the movie, they happen to bump into each other by "coincidence" somewhere absolutely absurd, like by the river. This never happens in real life. The last time I bumped into an ex-boyfriend was at three o'clock in the morning at Rite Aid. I was ringing up Gas-X and corn removers.

Chelsea Handler

Tags: humor reality real-life dating movies coincidence romantic-comedy



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Ethan, I don't go out with secretaries." Edward smiled at Sophia's petulant answer. "You want to go out with me, you call me.

Cristiane Serruya

Tags: dating secretaries



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Fellowship" is a Christianspeak for "flirt with unsuccessfully".

Kevin Roose

Tags: dating fellowship relevancy



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Sabine used to maintain that preparation for a dance is comparable to what goes on in the back room of a butcher's shop: the meat for consumption is sliced and dressed and put in nice little paper packages, ready for the kitchen.

A.P. .

Tags: dance dating



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Maybe love is something we’re meant to say casually and not regard as a prize from a treasure chest that a person earns.

Jen Glantz

Tags: humor dating nonfiction essays



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Im looking for a girl who's fun to be around.

Ross Lynch

Tags: music poetry dream dating fun personality girl quotes with insperational is austin-and-ally ispiring lynch r5 ross ross-lynch shor



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Dating is no charge prostitution.

M.F. Moonzajer

Tags: prostitution dating charge



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Courtship is the time for sowing those seeds which grow up ten years later into domestic hatred.

C.S. Lewis

Tags: marriage dating



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I came into the room, which was half dark, and presently spotted Lord Kelvin in the audience and realised that I was in for trouble at the last part of my speech dealing with the age of the earth, where my views conflicted with his. To my relief, Kelvin fell fast asleep, but as I came to the important point, I saw the old bird sit up, open an eye and cock a baleful glance at me! Then a sudden inspiration came, and I said Lord Kelvin had limited the age of the earth, provided no new source (of energy) was discovered. That prophetic utterance refers to what we are now considering tonight, radium! Behold! the old boy beamed upon me.

Ernest Rutherford

Tags: humor science energy speech funny dating discovery views prophecy creationism nobel-laureate lord-kelvin age-of-earth age-of-the-earth new-source-of-energy radioactive-decay radiometric-dating radium



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