Subject: This is a work environment and this is harassment
Mr. Zaccadelli,
I am writing to inform you that your proposition has been rejected. Due to both the fact that we are coworkers, as well as roommates, I would find it inappropriate to “visit the stacks” with you. I will reject all further offers at this time. If, in the future, I decide to entertain such an offer, I will inform you via correspondence.
Respectfully (not) yours,
Miss Taylor Caldwell
P.S. Stop fucking emailing me.
Tags: email
Subject: Not a chance
Missy,
I accept your challenge, and may I remind you, that if you want me to leave you alone, there is that little bet we have going. Win it, and I'm gone.
Impatiently (and nakedly) yours,
Mr. Hunter Aaron Zaccadelli, esquire.
P.S. Bring it on.
Tags: email
Subject: Get back to work
Missy,
You're distracting me from the very important topic of workplace safety. How would you feel if I improperly climbed a ladder due to not learning the proper procedure and then fell to my death?
Always,
The Boy You Dream About
P.S. I'm also a lost prince from a faraway land. Want to do me now?
Tags: email
Subject: You're totally picturing me naked right now
Missy,
So how about you and I head up to the stacks to do some “shelving”?
Tags: email
Dear Mr. Peter Van Houten
(c/o Lidewij Vliegenthart),
My name is Hazel Grace Lancaster. My friend Augustus Waters, who read An Imperial Affliction at my recommendationtion, just received an email from you at this address. I hope you will not mind that Augustus shared that email with me.
Mr. Van Houten, I understand from your email to Augustus that you are not planning to publish any more books. In a way, I am disappointed, but I'm also relieved: I never have to worry whether your next book will live up to the magnificent perfection of the original. As a three-year survivor of Stage IV cancer, I can tell you that you got everything right in An Imperial Affliction. Or at least you got me right. Your book has a way of telling me what I'm feeling before I even feel it, and I've reread it dozens of times.
I wonder, though, if you would mind answering a couple questions I have about what happens after the end of the novel. I understand the book ends because Anna dies or becomes too ill to continue writing it, but I would really like to mom-wether she married the Dutch Tulip Man, whether she ever has another child, and whether she stays at 917 W. Temple etc. Also, is the Dutch Tulip Man a fraud or does he really love them? What happens to Anna's friends-particularly Claire and Jake? Do they stay that this is the kind of deep and thoughtful question you always hoped your readers would ask-what becomes of Sisyphus the Hamster? These questions have haunted me for years-and I don't know long I have left to get answers to them.
I know these are not important literary questions and that your book is full of important literally questions, but I would just really like to know.
And of course, if you ever do decide to write anything else, even if you don't want to publish it. I'd love to read it. Frankly, I'd read your grocery lists.
Yours with great admiration,
Hazel Grace Lancaster (age 16)
Tags: email
Subject: Sundown
Date: June 14 2011 09:35
To: Christian Grey
Dear Completely
Tags: humor sex funny christian email anastasia e-l-james fifty-shades-of-grey fifty-shades-darker christian-grey ana
Yours most sincerely,
Peter Van Houten
c/o Lidewij Vliegnthart
“WHAT?!” I shouted aloud. “WHAT IS THIS LIFE?
Tags: humor email peter-van-houten
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