I respect the hell out of her for how hard she’s working to be okay. I just wish she’d let me show her how to let go, how to let herself hurt. I want to take her pain.
Jasinda WilderTags: strength pain hurt respect grief falling nell colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder
It’s not okay,” I tell her. This gets her attention; it’s not what she was expecting. “You don’t have to be okay.” “What do you want from me?” Her voice is ragged, desperate. “I want you to let yourself be broken. Let yourself hurt.” She shakes her head again. “I can’t. If I let it out, it’ll never stop.” “Yes, it will.
Jasinda WilderTags: fear pain sadness hurt grief desperate falling broken hurting okay nell colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder suffereing
Let me go!” she growls. “No.” “Let me fucking go, Colton.” Her voice is tiny, scared, vulnerable, and vehement. “You let go.” “Why?” A hitch in her voice. “Because holding on to it is killing you.
Jasinda WilderTags: pain killing sweet letting-go scared falling vulnerable nell colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder vehement
I don't even know how long she sobs. Time ceases to pass, and she cries, cries, cries. Clutches me and makes these sounds of a soul being ripped in two, the grief so long denied taking its toll. Fermented grief is far more potent.
Jasinda WilderTags: soul grief falling heartbreaking cries nell colton sobs falling-into-you jasinda-wilder
Let…it…go,” he whispers, his voice a fierce, harsh sound in my hair. “No. No!” The last word is screamed. “You have to. You can’t bleed it out. You can’t keep pretending, drinking it down.
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Oh, god…” I whimper. “I haven’t done anything yet, baby,” Colton growls. “I know,” I pant. “I was just saying your name.
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But we have to learn to be free. We have to, Nell. Doesn't mean happy all the time, or okay all the time. It’s okay not to be okay. I told you that, but I'm relearning it myself. But not being okay doesn't mean you stop living.
Jasinda WilderTags: life free living happy real falling okay nell colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder relearning
There’s no magical healing in this. I won’t wake up tomorrow fixed and joyful. I’ll still hurt and grieve. But moments like this, with Colton? They make it all bearable. He doesn't fix me, doesn't heal me. He just makes life worthwhile. He helps me remember to breathe, shows me how to smile again. He kisses me, and I can forget pain, forget the urges I still have to cut for the pain that erases the emotions.
Jasinda WilderTags: life pain hurt forget escape sweet relief fix urges falling cutting bearable nell cutter colton grieve self-harm si falling-into-you jasinda-wilder
We have to keep reminding ourselves that we have to stop, or we never will.
Jasinda WilderTags: falling-into-you
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