I'm happy for the kid and everything, but how the fuck does Lio get a friend before me? I live here.
'I told you I could do it :)' Lio IMs me. I want to rip out that smiley's eyes.
Tags: funny-and-random
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe is one of the most extraordinary ventures in the entire history of catering.
It is built on the fragmented remains of an eventually ruined planet which is (wioll haven be) enclosed in a vast time bubble and projected forward in time to the precise moment of the End of the Universe.
This is, many would say, impossible.
In it, guests take (willan on-take) their places at table and eat (willan on eat) sumptuous meals while watching (willing watchen) the whole of creation explode around them.
This, many would say, is equally impossible.
You can arrive (mayan arrivan on-when) for any sitting you like without prior (late fore-when) reservation because you can book retrospectively, as it were, when you return to your own time (you can have on-book haventa forewhen presooning returningwenta retrohome).
This is, many would now insist, absolutely impossible.
At the Restaurant you can meet and dine with (mayan meetan con with dinan on when) a fascinating cross-section of the entire population of space and time.
This, it can be explained patiently, is also impossible.
You can visit it as many times as you like (mayan on-visit re onvisiting ... and so on – for further tense correction consult Dr. Streetmentioner's book) and be sure of never meeting yourself, because of the embarrassment this usually causes.
Tags: funny-and-random
He had bright elfin eyes and a knowledgeable ass.
Chris HannanTags: funny-and-random
Even the Thanksgiving when her parents had just divorced, Hoosier Pie made the cut. ...They also, incidentally, made a pumpkin pie, but it fell on the floor, a classic example of survival of the fittest
Molly WizenbergTags: funny-and-random
Who is your favorite character in the series? Or...if that's too hard, why do you like each one and who drives you crazy?
Puck: Well, she likes me best, of course. I'm the handsome, charming one.
Ash: Yes, that's why she gave you your own book. Oh, wait.
Puck: No one asked you, ice-boy.
Tags: funny-and-random
Afternoon experience: autographing exposed legs, outstretched in lines like matchsticks.
Afternoon epiphany: Those with smooth, hairless legs would soon lose all evidence of my contact when the sweat causes the ink from the marker to run. I am ephemeral. Skepticism would be the reaction to those with thick leg hair, as their curls frazzle the lines of my name outward illegibly. Among the scaly-legged, I flaked off immediately, like I never was at all.
Tags: existentialism autograph epiphany legs funny-and-random
For shit’s sake, it wasn’t like there was a twelve-step for being the Scribe Virgin’s kid:
Hi, I’m Vishous. I’m her son and I’ve been her son for three hundred years.
HI, VISHOUS.
She’s done a head job on me again, and I’m trying not to go to the Other Side and scream bloody murder at her.
WE UNDERSTAND, VISHOUS.
And on the bloody note, I’d like to dig up my father and kill him all over again, but I can’t. So I’m just going to try to keep my sister alive even though she’s paralyzed, and attempt to fight the urge to find some pain so I can deal with this Payne.
YOU’RE A STRAIGHT-UP PUSSY, VISHOUS, BUT WE SUPPORT YOUR SORRY ASS.
Tags: vicious funny-and-random
I never thought that someday men will also use an iPAD.
Santosh KalwarTags: men comedy funny-and-random ipad
There is no logic in logics except an illogical logic.
Santosh KalwarTags: logic funny-and-random logics
Jesse is a good guy, although I don't understand the infatuation with the spandex he is always running around in.
Holly HoodTags: funny-and-random
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